Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
“Is that how you’re feeling right now?” Dr. Gresham asked me.
I mutely nodded. “He does look at me differently,” I said quietly, talking about Vincent. Our relationship was ruined; I ruined it, and I had to come to terms with that. “No matter how much he tries to deny it, he does. I’m not the same girl I was, and I know that bothers him.” I swallowed thickly as I locked my eyes on my favorite rose bush. It was slowly beginning to grow leaves again as Spring approached, but it was slower than the other bushes surrounding it.
“I don’t think he realized how bad it is,” I told Dr. Gresham when he remained quiet. “I’ve made a lot of progress, but my depression left behind its own damage. I think my anxiety attack freaked him out because the way he was staring at me . . .” I shook my head. “Vincent and I will never be the same again,” I admitted.
Dr. Gresham shrugged. “That may be true, and that’s okay,” he told me. “Some people in our lives are like the seasons. They’re only there for a short amount of time, to help us through something. Sometimes they’re there to teach us a lesson.” He shrugged. “Vincent might have been one of those people. But Axel seems like he’ll be a good friend.”
I smiled at the thought of Axel. The goofy guy who occasionally hit on me to annoy Julian was now one of the closest friends I’d ever had, even closer than Vincent. He never judged me, and I loved that I could be one hundred percent honest with him about how I was feeling and what I was going through. There wasn’t a judgmental bone in his body.
“Axel is great,” I told Dr. Gresham. “I’m happy I decided to see him that day. His presence every week has helped a lot.”
“I think it helps to have someone that wasn’t such a strong, major part of your life during all of that. He didn’t experience everything with you like Vincent and Julian did. He only saw the basics from the outside. That helps both of you build a strong bond together.”
I looked back down at the drawing in my lap. “Why do I feel like I’m backpedaling in my progress whenever I face something like this?” I asked Dr. Gresham. “I was feeling okay until Vincent visited,” I admitted. “Now, I feel like I’m spiraling again.”
“You’re not spiraling, Meghan,” Dr. Gresham told me, his voice stern. “You’re coping with the possible loss of a really good friend. That’s something that would make even the happiest of people sad. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to grieve. Vincent was a big part of your life for about four years. You’re going to be sad about that.”
“He saw me in one of my worst moments.” Tears slid down my cheeks. “He saw me naked, beaten, and bloody—not once, but twice—and now he wants to look at me differently?” It upset me and made me angry.
It wasn’t fair. A part of me wanted to hate Vincent for thinking of me differently. I had been through hell and back, and I had to say, I was doing pretty decently for someone who basically lost her entire fucking mind.
He didn’t have the right to think about me differently.
I was strong, and I had come a long way.
It was going to hurt like hell to lose him, but I would never hate him. I would only wish him the absolute best in life because for almost four years, he was one of the best things in mine.
21
Julian
* * *
“He what?” I snarled at Axel as I clenched the edge of the countertop, my eyes narrowed at one of my best mates.
“Look, Julian, I just don’t think he was prepared for what she’s like now,” Axel said, trying to diffuse my temper. “I know we thought it would be a good idea for her to see him since he was her best friend, but those two will never be the same again,” he informed me. “He’s still expecting the strong, confident Meghan to be sitting in front of him.” He shook his head. “She’s still strong—always has been—but she’s a different kind of strong now.”
“She’s fucking strong for facing her demons and learning to cope with them—learning how to deal with them. She’s never been weak, and this shit she’s going through right now will never make her a weak person.”
Axel nodded in agreement. “Trust me, bro, I know. Meghan is facing that dark shit within her with her chin tilted up in defiance.” He smiled fondly. “You two are perfect for each other, and as soon as she’s better and can come home, you two will be an unstoppable force together.”
I looked over at my phone as it vibrated with a message from my agent. “Does she know I signed my contract with the Patriots?” I asked him.