Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
There were no thoughts in my head but her, only her. I wondered if she felt what I did. If she was reliving that young love that we’d been so sure of once upon a time.
We both held our peace, just enjoying the comfort and joy of having something we never thought would be.
For me that joy was followed hard by guilt. The two emotions ran amok in my heart until I called a halt.
I didn’t cause what had happened to my family. I’d never wished it, but it had happened all the same. If there was anything I could’ve done to spare them I would’ve done it in a heartbeat. But I wasn’t given the chance.
Was I never supposed to find any happiness for myself? Should I have followed them into the grave? Would that have brought them back? Fuck this! I can’t keep doing this to myself.
Survivor’s guilt, I know all about it. I know that I can let it eat me up and destroy what was left of my life, or I could find a way to deal with it and salvage what I could.
There was no question that I wanted this, wanted her. I refuse to let guilt stand in the way. I’m going to have her, have the life we’ve always dreamt of and pray that this time, I can keep her safe.
“Let’s go to bed.” She jumped at my words but settled quickly enough, and her body trembled. It had never entered my mind to give her time. We’d lost too much of that already.
I didn’t give her a chance to argue, just turned her in my arms and with her hand held securely in mine, headed upstairs to the master suite.
9
Shelly
My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t hold any one thought for long, can’t hardly form words and I had plenty to say. As he led me up the stairs I questioned myself.
If I were honest with myself I couldn’t help but admit that the teenager in me wanted this. The girl who’d fallen in love with him at sixteen was jumping for joy. But the woman I’d become was wary, not to mention angry.
Not only because of what had happened between us, but because he seemed so different. He was more rough around the edges. There didn’t seem to be any give in him at all and the way he’d just came in and took me told me he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
The Nick Sheridan I knew was sweet and fun, and a total pushover for me. Though I sensed that he still held some of that in him for me, there was an edge to him now. I guess I could put it off as the years passing, but somehow I didn’t think so. Even his touch though the same, felt different somehow, more forceful.
This Nick Sheridan would’ve never let me run off in a huff thirteen years ago. I was as sure of that as I am of what was about to happen between us in the large master bedroom of the house I’d always dreamt of sharing with him.
I stood stock still in the doorway bringing him up short. The silly tears I’d been shedding all evening started again as I took it all in. “It’s the only room I touched.” He looked around the room as I did. He’d remembered, almost down to every last detail, the rambling dreams of a young girl with stars in her eyes.
I wanted to stay mad at him, but how can I when he does something like this? If I’d doubted his words this would’ve proved me wrong. He’d held onto this all this time when even I had forgotten. Well not forgotten exactly, more like banished from thought never to be revisited again.
The room was just as I’d always imagined it. I’d told him, even showed him once I think, what color, what bed I would put in this beautiful room with the row of bay windows that wrapped around the circular room.
The king sized mahogany canopy bed stood out with its drapery in my favorite color. He’d even remembered the mountain of pillows and there was one little teddy bear front and center.
All I could do was look at him. I’d heard everything he’d said downstairs but until I saw this it hadn’t truly hit home. All those years while I’d been suffering without him he’d been suffering too.
I felt a little bit of my heart heal at the realization. He hadn’t forgotten me after all. “You didn’t forget…” The words got caught in my throat and he pulled me into his arms and I felt that safe and protected feeling I always did when he held me. “Never.”