Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
“Come ‘ere.” I pulled her face into my chest and hugged her close. “It’s okay I’m here now and I’m never going away again, ever.” I held her through her tears running my hands up and down her back soothingly.
“You’ve always been my sweetbaby, even when you weren’t. Do you believe me?” She nodded her head against my chest and I held her tighter.
I was hard as fucking steel, bad fucking timing. She was falling apart and all my dick knew was that his pussy was home after being gone for way too long.
I thought of pulling away before she noticed but decided what the fuck for. Shouldn’t she know that I’d always had this in me for her? That it had never died no matter what else was going on in our lives?
“Did you sleep with her? Stupid question, of course you did, you were married for almost twelve years.” She struggled against me harder now and I fought to hold on.
“Don’t, don’t do that. I can’t go back and change any of it. If I could we never would’ve argued and you never would’ve gone away.” And then I wouldn’t have known my son. Fuck, will this ever end? When is this pain going to end? One night in the backseat of a car and it was still ruling everything in my life.
“Okay, I guess you need to hear this, it’s only fair. Come sit down.” I sat her down but couldn’t stand still myself. I paced back and forth as I tried to come up with the right words while she curled herself into the chair with tears drying on her face.
No matter what I said it wasn’t going to erase what was, but maybe if I could find the right words it’ll help ease the pain.
“Okay, we both know what happened when we were kids. I may regret that but I will never regret my son, don’t ask me to.” That was probably not fair. The girl I knew would never do such a thing.
But I needed her to know that I would always love my son, that he would always be a part of my life. I won’t let his memory die, but there was something else I could give her.
“Dee and I, well, we knew we had to make it work for Brandon’s sake. She knew that I wasn’t in love with her, that my heart belonged to you. She lived with that everyday and there was nothing I could do to change it.”
“I gave her an out, told her she could go any time since I was never going to return her feelings for me, but she said no.” She made some kind of huffing sound that I thought it best to ignore for now. I’m pretty sure there was no love lost between her and the woman we’d both blamed for coming between us, and our dreams.
“I tried everything I could to make things work for everyone. I never wanted to leave my son, but there were days, when it got to be too much. That’s when I would try to come up with some way to get out. She knew that I would run right to you. I knew that she knew, and that’s why even when we were making each other miserable she wouldn’t let go. But I had to think of Brandon, and in doing so I hurt you.”
As I said it, I realized how much I was asking of her. Why should she forgive, why should she trust again? I had to make her see, had to make her understand.
“No one else is to blame here but me, I know this. I also know that there is no way in hell I’m ever letting you go again. What you don’t seem to understand is that I was suffering too. You seem to think I was living this cushy little life, I wasn’t; it was hell. Every second away from you I died a little more each day.”
“I felt like a monster because I couldn’t love the mother of my son even when she did everything she could to get me to. I hated her sometimes, hated her for keeping me away from you, for what happened that night. It was a vicious cycle that had no end. Until some fucker killed my son and his mother.”
That was another guilt I had to live with, that my new life, any happiness I will find with Michelle now, was because they were gone.
“I know what we meant to each other Shelly, that kind of love doesn’t just die. I won’t let you rob us of any more time. I won’t let us both pay for the same mistake over and over again. Not when there’s a chance that we can get it back. That we can find that happiness again.”