Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
I hit the weights first before going for a run on the treadmill at top speed for one hour running flat out. Barely winded this time, I noticed as I wiped the sweat from my brow. I did some stretches and cooled down before turning out the lights.
“Time to go to work.” I headed down to the bunker, the one I built in the dead of night when nothing but the wind was moving, the one no one but me and He who sees all knew about.
“Lights on.” My home built computer lit up as well as the screen that ran the length of one wall. In the background was the silent hum of machines as they fired up. Screens scrolled by as data downloaded from the day’s search.
I was getting close I could feel it. At least one good thing had stayed with me from the old days, that good old-fashioned sixth sense. I was tempted, so tempted to go end it, get it over with. But I’d come too far to make any sudden moves and have the whole thing come tumbling down.
I used the information I’d got off of the last asshole to look up the location. The blueprints popped up on the screen and I spent the next few minutes figuring shit out. I saw where I could get in and plant the listening devices without anyone being the wiser.
I checked my equipment to make sure it was working and once that was done I went to the other thing I was working on. The last thing I had to do before this was all over.
I tapped my finger against my lips as I contemplated my next move. “Not yet.” I shut everything down and headed for the shower. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I wasn’t really living, I was just going through the motions. Living is overrated anyway, much better to exist until your time comes. Anything else you get fucked.
My heart warred against my mind as I thought of what I had planned for tonight. I’ll make room for her in my heart; in fact she’d never left. And the question of whether or not it was fair to bring her into my life now had been asked a hundred times and I was still no closer to an answer.
Since that was the case I’ve decided to just go with my gut and my gut tells me now is as good a time as any.
I cleaned up and got dressed in my new uniform of Henley and jeans with shit kickers. The white outline that marked the place where my wedding ring once sat was a bittersweet reminder.
The guilt almost choked me and I felt that burn in my gut. I knew it was only there because of where I was going when I walked out that door. I saw my dead wife’s face flash before my eyes like an accusation and crushed the memories before they could surface.
I’d mourned my son and his mother for the first three months after they’d been taken so viciously from me. I had nothing left. Brandon will always be my son, but there was nothing but pain with the memory.
I’d also put the guilt of not loving my wife enough behind me. She’d known where my heart was the whole time we were together, but she also knew I would never have betrayed her and our vows.
I’d given her the out to go find her soul mate; she thought I was it. At least I had given her all I had when she was alive, even though my heart had been lost long before we ever met.
I’d done all I could never to slight the mother of my son. I’d never held anything against her for what had happened between us, what had brought my son into being.
There were two people in the backseat of that car that night. Two people who had lost their heads and fucked without skins. Dee had always had a crush on me. I knew it; the whole high school knew it, including my girl Michelle.
She’s the last person I should’ve turned to back then because I knew it would’ve meant more to her than it did me, but I was in a bad place that night.
Michelle had ran off in a huff a few weeks earlier and I was pissed. I thought we were done, since that’s the last thing she said to me before she left.
By the time we came to our senses and remembered that we couldn’t survive without each other, Dee was giving me the news that she was pregnant with my kid. Worse fucking time of my life. I was in a bind and I knew it, but even then I knew there was only one road open to me.