Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
“I’ve been thinking,” I toss out, and then gauge his initial bodily reaction. He’s loose, relaxed, and stroking his hand over my hip. He’s not poised to jump on any little thing, wanting to come in and rescue me.
No, he’s patiently waiting to see what my plan is, and then he’ll give me advice.
“I’ve been thinking,” I start again, “of using some of my trust money to start up the nonprofit.”
Lucas immediately releases me and pushes back so he can look me in the face. “Really? That would be awesome.”
My lips press together in disdain at what I’m about to say. “I’d have to use some of that money to exist on until I got it up and running. I couldn’t start a full-time job and do that at the same time.”
With his head tilted, Lucas asks, “Why should that bother you?”
“I don’t know,” I say with frustration at myself. “I’ve never wanted that money. I didn’t earn it. If I use it, I have to be thankful to my parents for something, and I don’t want to be grateful to them for anything. I thought I could probably stomach using it to start a nonprofit, but the idea of using it to pay my personal expenses is making me slightly nauseated.”
He doesn’t say anything at first, but rather sits up in the bed, taking me with him. Lucas then runs a hand down my arm, and back up again in a soothing way meant to reassure. “Steph…I get exactly why you don’t want to use that money. Your reasoning is sound and legitimate. But let me offer this. Your parents never gave you the things you needed growing up. You never got love, security, support, conversation, devotion, whatever. But maybe they can give you something now that you need. Yes, it’s money, but it will help you. I’m not saying you have to be grateful to them for it, but perhaps you should take it because it’s your due for all the ways in which they failed you.”
My brows draw together, not because I’m confused by what he says, but because I’m confused by my reaction to it. Confused as shit, because for the first time ever, I don’t feel aversion to something that’s attached to my parents. It doesn’t make me feel slimy and it doesn’t turn my stomach to consider taking the money I considered to be a payoff.
Maybe Lucas is right. Maybe it’s my due and I would put to very good use.
“I think you might be right,” I murmur to him. “Maybe that is the answer to everything.”
“See,” he says with a bright smile. “That just solved a lot of your problems. And now you can actually do something that you’re passionate about.”
I lean into him, grab his face, and plant a huge kiss on it. “I’m passionate about you.”
“I know,” he says cockily, and then he kisses me and it’s even better.
When we pull apart, his expression turns sober. “I’m going to offer a bit of help, though, and you can just say yes or no. It’s not a big deal.”
“What?” I ask guardedly.
“Will you let me buy your health insurance?” he asks hesitantly. “I want the very best for you and our baby, and the very best will be expensive.”
“You want to cover the cost?” I ask for clarification, and mainly to stall, because I don’t know what my answer would be.
“Well, I know you wouldn’t marry me, which would automatically entitle you to my policy, so yeah…let me buy your health coverage.”
Lucas’s tone is carefree and light, indicating this isn’t a big deal. But his tone changed slightly when he talked about marriage, and I wonder if that’s something he would want. I know it’s not something I want, or at least I’ve never wanted in the past. Granted, Lucas makes me feel something I’ve never felt before, so perhaps I’m changing.
I’m just not sure it’s enough to ever give him what he might truly want from me.
A family.
“I’ll think about it,” I tell him, giving him a light smile. “I’m definitely not as averse to it as I thought I would be.”
But I don’t tell him I’m still scared about the ties that are binding us closer together. Smart guy that he is, I’m sure he has that figured out already.
Chapter 19
Lucas
My mom nudges me in the shoulder and I twist my neck to look over at her. She’s a good foot shorter than I am, but her personality is a million times bigger. Any stranger looking at her would never guess she’s old enough to have a kid my age. Her hair is blond and wavy, and she wears it in a sassy bob that hangs just below her jaw. While her kids inherited our brown hair from our father, we got our hazel eyes from our mom, and right now hers are filled with curiosity.