Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
“I don’t understand how having someone love and care for you can be so bad,” I say, almost pleading with her to give me an answer to make this all better.
Her voice is flat and devoid of emotion. She gives me a robotic answer. A bullshit answer that she’s told herself so much it comes out rehearsed and disingenuous. “Although it wasn’t by my choice originally, there’s a benefit to being alone. You can avoid the risk of pain, because by being alone, you are guaranteed no one can hurt you.”
I know I’m a shit when I say it, but I can’t help it. She’s punking out on me and giving up before she ever really even tried.
“Is that what you’re going to teach our child?” I ask her in an icy voice. “You going to teach that baby to put walls up and close itself off from others?”
Stephanie’s face turns horror stricken. “God, no,” she gasps. “How could you even think that?”
“Because you’re fucking quoting that shit as your own personal doctrine to live by,” I snarl at her. “Because that’s all you know, and you’re too fucking scared to try for something better.”
And that’s the moment that I killed whatever chance I had with Stephanie, and I know that because her eyes go dead. Her voice is whisper soft but utterly fucking dead. “I’m sorry,” is all she gives me.
Our eyes are locked on each other, both of us battling to achieve things that aren’t acceptable to the other. Neither one of us able to fix what’s now broken.
“Where does that leave us?” I ask slowly.
After taking a deep, stuttering breath, she says, “I think I need some space.”
“I need you to be a little more specific than that,” I grit out, my anger starting to surge again because I’m now feeling utterly fucking powerless.
“I think for right now we just need to concentrate on this pregnancy and figuring out how to be parents,” she replies vaguely.
“So you want to just be friends again?”
“Yes,” she whispers, and I see something flicker back to life in her eyes.
Is that hope?
“I don’t think I can do that, Stephy,” I tell her firmly, perhaps hoping to push her into taking a chance to still move forward. “I don’t think I can go backward, and besides, that’s how the lines got blurred in the first place.”
Fear flashes in her eyes before they go flat and devoid of anything again, and I know that was the wrong thing to say.
“I know you care for me,” I tell her harshly, my anger rising again. “You’re just too weak to admit it.”
She doesn’t respond, just stares at me with those dead eyes. I wonder if that’s how she looked at her parents, and I hate myself and them for causing that, but I also think I hate Stephanie just a little bit for not being strong enough to risk it.
“Can you really just turn your feelings off like that?” I spit out at her, hoping to force some type of reaction.
And I get one.
It’s a sardonic smile, and her eyes are now filled with pain and regret. “Don’t you get it, Luc? I don’t have feelings. Not the kind that would sustain what you need. It’s what I am. Who I am.”
Fury rolls through me in blistering waves because she’s a fucking liar and a monster for even throwing that out at me. I know I’ll regret the words, but I need to hurt her as much as she’s hurt me. “I feel sorry for you, Steph. And I feel sorry for our kid. I sure hope to shit you learn how to really love before that baby comes along, or you’re going to fuck up its life the way your parents fucked up yours.”
I spin from her, not wanting to see how hard that last barb hit her and already reeling from the guilt of those nasty, slicing words. But I’ll get over it. She’ll get over it.
I pick up my duffel bag and sling it over my shoulder. As I open the door and step through, I call out over my shoulder, “I’ll see you at the next doctor’s appointment if I’m in town. If not, email me how it went.”
Pulling the door shut behind me, I leave Stephanie and her crazy, fucked-up head behind. I don’t need that shit.
Chapter 22
Stephanie
My hands are sweating from nervousness, but I know I can’t avoid this anymore. If I want to put my nonprofit idea into action, I need Jules’s help, as she’s my contact for a trial run at Sweetbrier. I’ve obviously been staying clear of anyone these last two weeks who could be remotely tied to Lucas, and Jules, as his future sister-in-law, is about as close as you can get to the man.
But she’s actually been the one encouraging me to meet, telling me she’s as excited about this idea as I am. It got put on hold for a while because, well, I was dealing with this big nasty breakup.