Total pages in book: 156
Estimated words: 142833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 142833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
"Please don't do this," I beg. "Don't push me away."
"Kenzi, don't make this worse for us. I'm in a ton of pain right now, I can barely think straight from that and all the pills I've taken. I'm trying to be gentle about this, but I just need you gone."
Gone. Over and done with. No more. Done. Finished. Ended. That's what he wants.
My unwanted heart cracks.
"You're a jerk," I choke out. "You want me gone? Then fine, I'm gone."
His shoulders slump in defeat. "Don't say shit like that to me."
"I've never thought of you as weak, Tor. But I guess I don't know you as well as I thought I did."
He comes back to stand in front of me at the door where I'm still standing with my hand on the knob. Diogee follows him, tail wagging, oblivious to what's going on.
"Trust me Kenzi, there's nothing fucking weak about this at all. I hate hurting you and it's killing me inside."
"Well, that's funny since you just hurt me more than anyone else ever has."
I storm out of his house, slamming the door behind me, and jump into my Jeep.
"Never drive upset," my father's words ring through my head as I back recklessly out of the driveway. Here I am, already driving with a broken heart, barely able to see through the tears in my eyes.
Spending the summer in Maine with Aunt Katherine is looking better and better. I've never been a crier or the type of person to slam doors, let alone call people names. Between the fight with Jason and now all this emotional confusion with Toren, I don't feel like myself. This isn't how I wanted to start my life as an adult. Maybe Tor is right; I need to get away from everyone for a while for a major reset.
13
Tor
Kenzi ~ age fourteen
Toren ~ age twenty-nine
When I wake from my nap, the house is quiet. Too quiet. I'm not used to it and I don't like it. Even though my mom has always traveled a lot with her band and I'm used to her not being home much, this feels different. Her absence has left a deafening silence that seems to be screaming that she's gone and never coming back.
I get out of bed and wander down the long dark hallway to my parents’ bedroom, where the door is closed halfway. Just as I approach the door, I hear voices, and my heart skips with hope. I think somehow Mom has come back and she's home, right on the other side of the door talking to Dad, cuddled in bed laughing.
But she's not.
I peer inside the dim room and my father is sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, crying. Uncle Tor is sitting next to him with his arm around him, holding my dad as he sobs.
"I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this..." my father is saying over and over again.
"You can. You're okay."
"I don't know how to live without her."
"Ash, she's still here. Don't give up. I know it's hard, but you gotta have faith."
"I just want her back. I miss her so fucking much."
"I know you do. We all do."
"And what about Kenzi? How am I supposed to raise a daughter by myself in a fucking rock band?"
"I'll help you. Your family will help. I promise she'll be okay. I'm not going to let anything happen to either of you." Tor presses his lips to my dad's temple and leans his head against his, his other large, inked hand holding the side of my dad's head as he talks softly to him, comforting him. While some people may think that's odd, it is so them, and I am grateful that I'm surrounded by people who love each other so deeply, so unconditionally, that they aren't afraid to express it. It's a shame that most people won't show compassion and affection to others out of fear of judgement or rumors of their sexuality. I've always loved the bond that Tor has with my parents and now with me.
I quietly back out of the doorway, unseen and unheard, and make my way back to my bedroom, quietly closing my door behind me.
Up until recently, I've never seen my father cry before. He's always been a rock; the one who helps everyone else, always smiling, always positive. Watching him fall apart scares me, and I feel like I've lost both my parents.
Tor
I've been riding for two days straight, with no destination planned other than far the fuck away. I don't care where I end up. Wherever the road takes me, that's where I'm going. Tesla agreed to stay at my house to take care of the dog until I get back so I wouldn't have to worry about him. I told the guys I'd be out of the shop for a few days so they'd have to pick up the slack and take care of the Devils’ Wolves tasks on top of it. I hardly ever take time off, but I need it now.