Total pages in book: 156
Estimated words: 142833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 142833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 714(@200wpm)___ 571(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
"Tor..." I touch his arm, but he yanks away from me.
"Kenzi, you have to go. I mean it. I can't be around you when I'm high as a fucking kite. I don't know what the hell you're doing to me."
I stand on wobbly legs, completely engulfed in confusion. "I'm sorry..." I stammer. "What about dinner?"
I'm in a daze as he walks with me to the kitchen, where he scoops up my keys and hands them to me. "Don't worry about dinner. And don't be sorry. This isn't your fault. It's me, I'm messed up."
He practically pushes me to the front door, where I turn to look up at him, clutching my phone and keys, tears falling down my cheeks. "What's happening to us?" I ask.
His deep chestnut eyes are filled with regret as he shakes his head. "I don't know, Angel, but I think we need some time apart."
"Time apart?" The concept of that sounds so out of place to me. That's a term reserved for people in a relationship that's going bad and need to get away from each other to regroup and calm down, and to think about whether they want to be together or not. That's not us. I don't ever want to consider not having Tor in my life.
"When are you going to Katherine's this year?" he asks.
I'm taken aback by his question. "Why would you ask me that? I'm not sure I'm going. I planned to stay home this year."
"I think you should go for the summer. I think we need to put some space between us for a while."
His words steal my breath.
"You want me to go away?"
"I just think we need to get our heads straight. We've been spending too much time together."
"We always have, Tor. For like my entire life."
"I know, and that was obviously a mistake on my part."
My throat clenches along with my heart. "So you regret all the time you've spent with me?" My entire life flashes before my eyes, wondering if every memory of us together was nothing but annoyance for him while it meant so much to me.
"No, Angel. Not one minute. But I think now that you're older, it has to stop. You should be with friends your own age more. Find guys your age to date. And I should be spending time with women my age and not with you. This is all fucking wrong," he puts his hands up and backs away from me.
"But it doesn't feel wrong," I protest weakly.
His eyes are hard as steel. "It’s wrong. Trust me. We should never be touching or kissing, for any fucking reason."
"I can't believe you want me to go away," I say in disbelief.
"I think it's for the best." He says simply, his walls building up again.
"For you, maybe."
"No, for both of us. But especially for you. You just can't see it."
"That's total bullshit. I like being with you. And being kissed by you is amazing-"
He grabs my shoulders and bends down to get at eye level with me. "Stop!" he hisses. "It's just a crush, Kenzi. It's normal for your age. It'll go away."
I scoff at him. "A crush? If that's all it is, then why do you feel the same way, Tor? You're a little old for a crush, aren't you?"
"I don't even fucking know anymore, Kenzi. I just know we need to get away from each other."
I can't even fathom wanting to get away from him. All I want is to get closer to him, not further away.
"I don't know what to say," I say. "I'm confused."
"So am I," he says softly, releasing my shoulders. "I'm trying to be honest with you, Kenzi. But this is really fucking hard because I also have to do the right thing. I can't let emotions get in the way of reality."
"What does that mean?" I ask.
"It means that I'm all fucked up. I have feelings for you I shouldn't have. I'm not going to lie to you about that. But I have to be the adult here and do the right thing. This can't happen. I don't know what's wrong with me."
"I'm not a baby, Tor. I'm going to be eighteen in less than two months. That's an adult."
"It's still wrong in like twenty other ways."
I look into his eyes, pleading. "I don't want to believe that."
"We shouldn't even be having conversations like this, Kenzi. I don't know what the hell is going on anymore," he crosses the room and grabs his water and bottle of pills off the coffee table and gulps down another handful of painkillers and muscle relaxers. "I really think you should go now. Please."
I reach for the doorknob, my emotions a tornado inside. Hearing him admit he has feelings for me makes me want to throw my arms around him and hug him into oblivion, but he's taking it all away and hiding it like it's some kind of dirty secret that needs to be destroyed, and he wants me to go with it.