Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
“It’s just unfair,” she choked out, her voice thick with her tears.
I pressed my lips to her hair. “I know it feels unfair, baby. But if you hadn’t gotten the help you needed, worse things might have happened. Postpartum depression is one. Postpartum psychosis is another terrifying reality that could have happened to you. Do you think Oliver would have deserved that?” She shook her head. “I don’t think he did either, baby. If you had carried him to term, he would have had parents that didn’t know how to cope with the shit they were feeling, and he would have felt the brunt of it. At least he’s somewhere where there’s no pain, no heartache.”
“I want to be selfish and have him here.”
“Sometimes, I do, too, baby girl, but we can’t be selfish.”
She turned so she was sitting sideways on my lap in the tub, and she curled against my chest. I locked my arms around her, holding her tightly. “I was scared to talk to you about this.” She rested her head on my shoulder. “I was scared that you would finally reveal how much you hated me.”
I pressed my lips to her forehead. “I can never hate you, baby girl. In fact, I don’t even think I’m capable of it.”
“I’m glad. Because I don’t think I could do this without you.”
I leaned down to softly kiss her. “I love you, baby girl.”
“I love you, too.”
I brushed my thumb over her cheek. “Now, shine, baby girl. Spread those wings and be my goddess. Cry in the face of your pain, but don’t ever let it bring you down.”
A tear trickled down her cheek in response to my words. She wrapped her arms around me and snuggled further against my chest. “Thank you, Julian,” she whispered.
“For?” I quietly asked her.
“Always reminding me how strong I am.”
I softly smiled down at her. “Sometimes, you just need a reminder, baby girl. I’ll always be here to remind you of how strong you are. Don’t ever doubt that.”
42
Meghan
* * *
I rested my hand on my belly as I flipped a pancake over on the griddle. I was having a better day—a more upbeat one—after the talk Julian and I had. It was still painful, and I knew it would continue to only get more painful the closer I got to the anniversary date of my miscarriage, but I no longer felt like the guilt was suffocating me.
“Something smells really fucking good,” Julian groaned as he walked into the kitchen.
I turned and smiled at him. “Good morning. I was shocked to see that you were still in bed this morning.”
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips before he walked over to the fridge. I ran my eyes over his back, taking in the tattoos that covered his upper body. “Coach is finally letting me off the hook since I proved myself,” he told me. “I don’t have to practice and bust my ass so much anymore. So, I’m finally getting a day off.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, so thankful to finally have him home with me. He shot me a breathtaking smile. “Missed me, huh, baby girl?”
I nodded, a blush coloring my cheeks. Axel stepped into the kitchen, shirtless as well. “Weird as fuck to wake up in bed with another man,” he grunted.
I laughed, remembering that both men had still been passed out when I woke up. Axel gripped my hips and leaned down to take my lips in a sweet, slow kiss. “Good morning, sweet girl.” His eyes flickered to the cup of ginger tea. “Is it coming back bad?”
I shook my head. “Just some nausea,” I told him. “I’m already feeling a bit better, though.”
He nodded. “Good.” His stomach rumbled, and he grinned down at me. “Can’t wait for breakfast.”
I smacked his abs. “Go sit down,” I ordered.
Julian snickered from his seat at the table where he had one of his premade protein shakes. “Don’t rush a woman when she’s cooking,” Julian teased Axel as Axel took a seat at the table.
Axel rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t rushing her. I was merely stating a fact.”
Julian snorted. “Bro, what you said might as well be interpreted as you rushing her.”
I rolled my eyes at them both before I took the last of the pancakes off the griddle and put them on the plate. I carried them and the plate of bacon to the table. “Coffee?” I asked Axel, knowing Julian couldn’t drink it due to his conditioning.
Axel nodded. “But I can get it. Sit down and eat, sweet girl.”
He got up from the table and walked over to the coffee pot as I sat down. Julian leaned over and cupped the back of my neck, drawing my lips to his. “Thanks for the food, baby girl.”
I blushed. “I was hungry anyway.” I shrugged.