Series: Peach State Stepbros Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
She sits there, perfectly still, watching me as she brushes her fingers through a tendril that’s fallen from her messy bun, which is how she tends to keep her hair on her days off.
Her face twists up. “Sorry, I heard someone come in and saw your car, so I tried to find you, and you were crying. I knew I needed to do something, but am I supposed to let you cry it out, or do I need to try and see what’s wrong? And you saw me before I made a decision.” She says it all so matter-of-factly. “Did something happen between you and Colin?” Surely she’s wondering what I’m doing in his room. “Did you guys have a…fight?” Even as she says it, she makes a face like she can’t imagine how that’s possible.
“No. I mean, not really.”
“Am I supposed to press, or would you rather wait and discuss this with Jeanie?”
Jeanie’s my therapist who helps me with my relationship with Mom.
At my glare, she says, “Oh, this is a mom moment, isn’t it? Um…well…” She searches around uneasily.
“What are you doing home?” I ask.
“Plea bargain,” she says with a smile, shaking her fists at her sides in one of her awkward happy dances.
Why couldn’t Steve be home? This is not her area of expertise.
“Maybe you can just message Sarah and see if she can come by and talk to me,” I say, more than a little bitterly. I grab Colin’s pillow, curling up with it, and Mom takes a moment. Why won’t she just leave?
“I really thought I would be very good at this, Ash.”
“Huh?” I turn back to her.
“I was valedictorian of my class. Summa cum laude at Princeton and in law school.”
“Mom, this is not the time to brag about your CV.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. I was saying that I felt invincible, and when your father and I were talking about having kids, it seemed like another thing I would breeze through. Win Mother of the Year. And then you came into my life, and I realized that some of these things that make me good in other areas didn’t really make me very good in this one.”
I’m surprised by this confession. Mom’s not one to show weakness, a trait that’s been cemented by her profession.
“When you were a baby and crying, it wasn’t a logical experience. And intellectually, I understood that. I read all the books. I watched all the videos, but something about it just didn’t click for me. And the same with your father. We both adored you, and we did the best we could, but it was clear you needed something neither of us could give you.”
Her chin quivers and a tear stirs in her eye, but she shakes her head, fighting it back.
A crack in my mother’s otherwise impenetrable armor.
A vulnerable side she doesn’t usually show—not to me, that’s for sure.
“I liked Steve when I met him. We had fun together. And he made me laugh, and that’s all great. But I could have turned it off at any point. That’s how I’ve always been with relationships.”
Why the fuck would she tell me this about my stepdad?
“Mom, do you think this is helping?”
She rests her hand on the comforter. “Just listen. It wasn’t until I introduced you to Steve, and I saw how good he was to you, and how you lit up when you saw him. How he gave you this thing I couldn’t. Seeing him and Colin hug you so effortlessly, give you all this attention and affection that I didn’t understand. And that was when it really switched in me. When I felt so much more for him. And of course, I fell in love with him outside of that, but I would be lying if I said that seeing how much he and Colin did for you, how they would have done anything for you, didn’t play a big part in that, especially in the beginning. And to this day, I know it was the best decision I’ve ever made.”
I’m shocked that, after all the sessions in therapy, she’s finally sharing these details. And just as shocked that they’re not only about her. That all this time, she has been thinking of me, just maybe not in a way I’d considered.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I see my son’s in pain. And I have a feeling I know why.” She glances around the room again.
I wince. “What do you think is the reason?”
“Steve and Colin are a lot alike. Steve had a very obvious look when he fell for me, and though I might not pick up on everything, I was perceptive enough to see it on Colin the last time you were both over.”
“You know?”
“I think it’s really beautiful, Ash.”
I cringe. “Don’t lie, Mom.”