Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 176002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 880(@200wpm)___ 704(@250wpm)___ 587(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 176002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 880(@200wpm)___ 704(@250wpm)___ 587(@300wpm)
There is one area that is very, very different, though. One area that gives me chills at the thought. Actually shudders.
My parents.
What if they hear his fucking song?
Josh feels me stiffen up.
“What?” he asks.
“Mum and Dad,” I say. “What if they hear it?”
“I don’t know,” he replies. “That depends on whether you ever plan to tell them what you do for a living.”
Josh’s family are so different to mine. It was hell sitting across their dining table, looking at Connor playing loved up with Carly, but meeting them, and seeing the openness between them, and from the things Josh has told me. They welcome honesty. Nonjudgement. Being able to be your true self and embracing that.
But my parents are too, aren’t they? They’ve always loved me for me. A weird, gothic dreamer, following Connor along the imaginary dream road, that turned into reality. What a joke.
Would they still love me if they knew I was a hooker?
I get another shudder when I think of how proud they were of my high end job in PR. The thought of that being taken away makes me feel sick. Again.
“Maybe it’s too early,” Josh says. “It’s not all that easy for people to tell their nearest and dearest in the main. A lot of entertainers never do.”
“I might not get a choice though, might I?” I look at him. “Connor’s gone viral. My parents might hear it for themselves.”
“Are they likely to be browsing social media?”
“Not really.”
“How about keeping an eye on music news in the UK?”
“Probably not. But it’s Connor, isn’t it? If they so much as caught wind of it, they’d be on it like a rocket. And at this rate, they’re going to find out, aren’t they? If he makes it big, they will know about it, next week, next year, who knows, but they will. One day they will hear that song.”
Josh stays silent. He knows it’s true.
We pull into Belgravia, and I realise that the cab driver has likely been listening to every word, but I don’t give a shit. A good sign in the mini scheme of things.
I weigh it up, still churned to all hell as Josh and I walk through the courtyard, and as much as it pains me, I’d rather my parents hear it from me, myself.
But not yet.
I want to tell them in person, face to face, eye to eye. Where they can see the changes in me, right there in front of them. Where I can tell them about my genuine happiness, without them clicking end call and running off sobbing in horror.
They touch down at Heathrow airport in three weeks’ time. Date signed, sealed and soon to be delivered.
I just pray Connor’s success stays hidden from them until then. I get a shiver at the prospect of him telling them himself, like a fucking asshole. But then I remember, he doesn’t have the luxury. He’s with Carly, and he won’t rock that boat. That was made clear at Josh’s parents’ place.
Thank fuck for that.
We get up to the apartment and it’s such a relief to be back home.
“I’ll grab us a coffee,” Josh says.
“Thanks, you’re the best.”
He chances a smirk. “Even better than the rock icon to be? I would be flattered, if he wasn’t such a prize-winning dumbass.”
I adore his humour. It takes the edge off the pain a little. I kick off my heels and throw myself down on the sofa without a care for my bruised butt.
He’s joined me with our coffees when I’ve summoned my own self resolve enough to cement my plan.
“I’m going to tell Mum and Dad, but I want to do it when they’re here. It’s too personal to do it on video call.”
Josh nods. “Ok. I should probably head out and visit Tiff while you make the announcement, or your dad might be chasing me around the apartment with the bread knife. I’m an easy scapegoat.”
“You’re not going to be a scapegoat. The choice has always been mine. If I hadn’t made the choice, I would never have met you.”
“Yes. They might not see it quite like that, though.”
“It’s the truth, and I’m going to be honest about it. I am who I am. I’m not the girl I was, weak and lonely, putting Connor before myself. They don’t know about half of it anyway,” I admit. “They have no idea how skint or hard up I was here in London. They have no idea how he dicked around networking while I was struggling for every penny we had. They’d never have accepted it if they did.”
Josh sighs. “That’s quite a revelation you have to tell them.”
“Yeah. I should have done it sooner. But I wasn’t being honest with myself, either. I had no self-esteem of my own that I could draw on to stand up for more.”