Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 97337 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97337 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
I tried not to feel letdown, not to feel sorry for myself and definitely not to pout. And then in the dark I saw him turn his head in my direction and I felt like a teenager with her first crush. No amount of telling myself to reel it in was working.
I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot because I had no other reason to just sit there without raising suspicion, but all the way home I checked my rearview mirror for him; he wasn’t there.
I pulled into my driveway and never felt so despondent as I did when I put my key in the door and walked into the dark house alone. I dropped my bag on a chair in the kitchen and looked at the crockpot with disinterest. Now I couldn’t even face a meal alone, something I’ve done countless times before.
I walked into the bedroom pulling off my clothes in anger only then realizing that I was indeed upset. I stood in the middle of the room trying to figure out just what kind of mood I was in. Why am I angry? It’s not like he’d done anything wrong.
What did I expect anyway? I knew it wasn’t going to last forever. I fumed all the way into the shower, reprimanding myself for letting my guard down and for reading too much into the weekend we’d had together.
I told myself as the water ran down over me that I wasn’t going to play the fool again and get my hopes up. That I was just going to treat what we had as nothing more than casual sex, even if it killed me to do so. And then the phone rang when I stepped out of the shower and I almost broke my neck getting to it.
“Hello!” My voice sounded breathless and needy even to my own ears. And when he answered on the other end my knees gave out and I dropped onto the edge of the bed with relief.
“You made it home okay.”
Why is it that even as mundane a statement as that could make me weak? Exactly what has happened to me? I didn’t have the answer. All I know is that just hearing his voice was enough to make me forget everything I’d just told myself.
I wanted to ask him if he was coming over, wanted to know what he was doing. I felt like an out of control brat who wasn’t getting her way, but my innate shyness wouldn’t let me put the questions into words.
“Yes I’m fine.” I hope I sounded assertive enough and not like the whiny, clingy person I felt like. Is this what I have to look forward to? Is this how things are going to be between us? Me sitting alone on the days and nights that he’s not here, longing for the sound of his voice, or any crumb he throws my way?
“What’s wrong? Your voice sounds…off.” That’s another thing, he seems to know me way too well for such short acquaintance.
“Did you lock up?” I looked around the room at his question before getting up to go do just that.
“Yes, everything’s locked up tight.”
“Good, I don’t think I’ll make it tonight, mom’s getting kind of suspicious. But I’ll stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep.”
“Don’t you have homework?”
“I did it in between classes Ms. Parks, no need to worry that you’re corrupting me.”
Who’s worried? It never once entered my mind. The way things stand it seems more like the other way around. I was just as surprised at myself for voicing that thought out loud as he was. “Oh-ho, what are you accusing me of?”
The laughter in his voice eased the angst in my chest and just that easily I forgot all about my little meltdown of just a short few minutes ago. “I miss you.” Where was this bravery coming from? My face was hot and I clenched my hand into a fist as I awaited his response.
It was the first time I’d stepped out on a limb, putting my feelings into such plain words. What if he laughed it off, or made light of it? I’m really no good at this relationship stuff. I felt gauche and stupid in the few seconds it took for him to answer and I promised myself not to put myself out there like that again.
“Not as much as I miss you.” The wide grin almost split my face in half and as time went by I realized that I liked this just as well as I did having him here beside me. The ease with which we teased each other was something new and wonderful and had its own merit.
By the time we rung off I was back to walking on cloud nine and looking forward to what comes next. So I wasn’t prepared in any way for what happened the next morning when I went to work.