Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 66022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 330(@200wpm)___ 264(@250wpm)___ 220(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 330(@200wpm)___ 264(@250wpm)___ 220(@300wpm)
Will followed his finger, saying, “Orion the hunter and his faithful dog, Sirius. I used to think it was spelled serious, like the mood. My dad used to take me up to the roof of our apartment building on clear nights. He had this old brass telescope. I actually have it now—it’s up in the attic. I should pull it down sometime.”
“Wow, no kidding. I love stars and constellations. I used to be able to find all the famous ones and some not so famous. At least I imagined I could.” He pointed again. “See that bright kind-of-orange-colored star up to the left of the belt? That’s—”
“Beetle Juice.” Will laughed. “A nasty drink made of ground up bugs.”
Jack laughed too. “Betelgeuse—a favorite in crossword puzzles.”
They stared again at the sky, their silence now companionable. Will was glad he hadn’t done anything stupid like try to make a move back in the house. Jack was still here, and that in itself was enough. He glanced shyly over at the older man, who continued to scan the heavens. What would it be like to taste his lips?
Jack, oblivious of Will’s secret yearning, pointed upward. “Look way over there. I’m pretty sure that’s Leo the Lion, though for the life of me, I’ve never seen anything in it resembling a lion.”
Will stared at the little blob of stars he thought Jack was pointing to. He couldn’t see a thing there either, but then he never saw shapes among the stars. He always figured he lacked the imagination. Still, it was fun to find something to share with Jack, something he clearly enjoyed. “I’m glad you’re here, Jack. I’m glad we’re becoming friends.”
“I am too, Will. It’s been a long time since I’ve spent any time with anyone, except when I’m working. I guess I’ve become something of a hermit. If my little sister didn’t make me come over for Sunday dinner, I might never get out. I should be honest with you, though. I don’t really know what I’m doing here. I like you. I’ve never really known any gay guys before.”
“Yes you have.”
“Pardon?”
“You’ve known them. You just didn’t know you knew them. They didn’t let you know because they didn’t want you to judge them, or get them fired, or whatever it is they feared you might do if you found out.”
Will tried to keep the bitterness from his tone. “Sure, we live in more enlightened times than the bad old days, when a man was burned to death for his sexual orientation, or jailed for it, or beaten to death by horrified heterosexuals. Or at any rate those things are against the law now, at least in this country. But don’t fool yourself that gay men or women feel free to come out—to admit with pride they are what they are.
“It takes courage, still, to tell the world to fuck itself if it has a problem. Not everyone is accepting, as I’m sure you know. Some people still labor under the false assumption it’s something we choose, like a career or a new car. Did you choose to be straight? Did you choose to be right-handed?”
Will stopped himself. “Look, I’m sorry. I tend to get on a soapbox. You’re a really cool guy, and I appreciate you may be totally nonjudgmental and just fine about me being gay. I’m oversensitive, I guess. I don’t hide my orientation, but neither do I make it a point of flaunting it. I never took a date, for example, to any work function. I’m discreet, though sometimes it pisses me off that I have to be. And I get mad at myself that I continue to lay low, to be cool, to leave them guessing.
“Now that I’m not in that cutthroat work environment, I have less to lose. Still, I have to be careful. There are a lot of jerks out there still ready to beat me to a pulp just because of my existence. I don’t know if you can imagine what that’s like—how it colors the way you perceive the world around you.”
Jack was watching him, an earnest expression on his face. “That sounds really hard. I guess I never really thought about it in those terms. I wish things were different. If it’s any comfort, I don’t feel that way. I believe people should be free to express themselves as they truly are.”
Will nodded, knowing he should probably shut up, but now that the floodgates were open, he couldn’t. “Sometimes I think we’re all really bisexual, to one degree or another. I mean, look at girls. Girls are permitted to cuddle and kiss, to walk hand in hand and tell each other they love each other. Boys are strongly discouraged from behaving this way, but who’s to say the impulse isn’t there? I think humans seek comfort and love where they can find it, but our society discourages one sex over the other from expressing it, except in very defined, prescribed ways. I mean, think about it. Really think back. Was there ever someone you felt strongly about? A guy, I mean. Someone you might have had feelings for that seemed to go beyond what society dictated was proper?”