Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 58840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 294(@200wpm)___ 235(@250wpm)___ 196(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 294(@200wpm)___ 235(@250wpm)___ 196(@300wpm)
“Is it obvious?” I ask.
“We’ll be more careful,” Colin says. “Everything behind closed — and locked — doors.”
“It’s not just about the risk of getting caught,” she says, and there’s a sadness in her eyes that cuts to my core. There’s something there that I recognize on a level so deep there are no words to describe it.
“What is it?” Jordan asks.
“You can’t let yourself be happy, can you?” My words come across like an accusation, even though I don’t mean them that way.
“What do you know?” she retorts, instantly on the defense.
I reach across and take her hands. “I don’t let myself be happy, and I see the same thing in you.”
She frowns at me now, but it’s confusion rather than irritation. The others are watching me, too, and a few days ago, I’d have never considered having this conversation in front of them, but they’re practically my brothers now.
“After my fiance, Sarah, passed, I vowed not to get involved with anyone else. It’s easier that way.”
Her brows raise, and then I see the pity edge into her eyes, but I ignore it.
“I keep things casual,” I say. “Always. And while I thought that’s what I needed to do to keep from being hurt again, I’m coming to realize that I’m also keeping myself from being happy again.”
“How long were you together?” Brittany asks.
“Five years. We were together a long time before getting engaged.”
“And how long ago did she die?” Brittany’s voice is soft as a feather.
“Three years.”
“I’m so sorry.” With no warning, she gets up and throws herself into my lap, her arms going around my neck and her head burrowing into my chest. As I rub her back, she looks up at me and says, “Guess I am climbing into your lap, and I don’t care where the waitress is.”
Smiling at her comment, I bend and kiss her cheek, pulling her closer to me.
The other guys offer their condolences, but I’ve already talked with them about this. Jordan apologized to me the day after his comment during the Never Have I Ever game, and we all had a discussion.
I know Brittany has more questions, but maybe she’s good at reading my face, because she just holds onto me. Someday, I’ll tell her more, because I won’t ever forget and I don’t ever want to, but I don’t feel like talking about the past right now. Not when I’m focused on the future.
When our food comes moments later, Brittany returns to her chair, and my arms miss her immediately.
When the silence settles in again, I say, “I brought that up because I wanted to tell you that there’s something about you that makes me want to risk things. To risk being happy again.” Her eyes widen, but I push on. “And this … sharing situation … is weird, but in a way, it makes it easier for me to imagine a relationship. The possibility of loss is always on my mind, but being with you, with others involved —” I look around at the other guys — “makes loss seem more manageable, like if something were to happen to me, you wouldn’t be left alone.”
Her eyes go wider still. “I want to hug you again.”
“Just eat your food,” I say with a smile. She said she didn’t have an appetite, but then she came in here and ordered a large stack of pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream.
Jordan pats my back, and Owen and Colin give me looks that express their solidarity.
“As nice as you make that sound,” Brittany says delicately, ignoring her food, “I’m sure the others aren’t interested in something like a relationship.” She looks around at each of them. “This is just sex, isn’t it? Just some fun on the tour?”
We all exchange a quick look; we’ve talked about this, too.
“We want to keep spending time with you,” Owen says.
“We’d like to take you out on dates. Wine you and dine you,” Colin says.
“And sixty-nine me?” Brittany asks with a smirk.
“Yeah, that too, of course.”
“You’re something special, Britt,” Jordan tells her. “We’ve never met anyone like you, and we’d like to see where this could go.”
30
COLIN
She’s starting to panic.
I give the others guys a look, hoping they’ll pick up on it and back off.
There’s more I’d like to say to her, like how she’s smarter and bolder than anyone I’ve ever met, and how since we were together, I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s unlike any woman I’ve been with before, and there’s so much I admire about her, but telling her all that right now might make her want to run.
I catch her eye after she takes a drink of water. “What do you want, Brittany?”
“I don’t know … I’m scared, I guess.”
“Of losing your job?” Owen asks.
“That’s a big part of it,” she says, “but it’s not the only thing. I’m more scared of my feelings.”