Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
I want to say no. It’s too painful to hang out with Lev’s girlfriend.
Truth be told, it’s too much to share a state with her. But this girl cares about him so much, she paid a visit to a complete stranger. And she did bring me cookies. Just because the situation is shitty, doesn’t mean she is. She is opening the door to friendship, and I’m not gonna slam it in her face because of petty jealousy.
Forcing a smile that feels like a rubber band stretching across my face, I say, “Absolutely. You can come to me anytime.”
And if I’m being honest, I could kinda use a few more allies right now.
In response, Thalia flings her arms over my shoulders and gives me a hug. She smells of jasmine, black cherries, and amber. And suddenly I hate all flowers and red fruit in the world.
We stand there for a few moments before I detangle from her and head to the door. She gets the hint and leaves. After I wave her goodbye, I watch through the dining room window as she struts her ass to Lev’s house. This time the pain is so bad, I can’t even breathe.
Lev opens the door for her. Tall, broad, chiseled everywhere. The definition of esthetic perfection.
For the first time since I’ve known him, it truly hits me. Not just the idea that he is gorgeous—I always knew he was beautiful—but now I’m letting it all sink in. It’s like I’ve always been aware of the ingredients for a delicious cake, but I’m sinking my teeth into it for the first time. Everything about him is alluring. His soot-black eyelashes—thick and curly and wrongfully placed on the eyes of a boy.
His eyes that look like a capsule of entire rainforests. The carefully drawn planes of his jaw and cheekbones. I study with the most talented athletes in the world, and still, I’ve yet to meet a guy as cut as Lev Cole.
His shoulders—muscular, bronze, and Photoshop-smooth—are draped in a muscle shirt. A tattoo peeks through it on his ribs. The one I’ve brushed my finger over so many times—of a rose, made out of thorns instead of petals. A reminder that the most beautiful things need to be protected.
Okay, Bails. You’re officially a Peeping Tom. Not a good look.
He gives her a half hug, but they don’t kiss.
He smiles at her, and it feels like he punched me in the gut.
Look away now, psycho.
She walks in.
Was he the one who sent her to check on me? Is he giving me the same silent treatment I’m giving him? Are they going to have sex?
They close the door.
They’re definitely having sex. Probably right now. On the entrance floor. In front of Dean. Perverts. I hate them both. Have they no shame?
Lev has a girlfriend and he didn’t tell me.
Lev keeps secrets from me.
What’s more, I keep secrets from him. For the first time since we stopped being best friends, the consequences of what happened really hit me.
I need something to make everything go numb. To fall into the feathery, loving arms of numbness and feel like I’m floating through all this.
Mom’s in her office, not in her room. I can get away with it.
I tiptoe my way to the primary bedroom upstairs, yank open the bathroom door, and retrieve the medicine they shoved to the back of Mom’s cabinet, behind all the face masks she never uses. I slide three extra-strength Tylenols into my palm and swallow with some faucet water.
You know how the sky is looking today, Levy?
Like you’re a fucking traitor.
This is the point where most people would stop and ask themselves why Lev and I never happened.
He wants me. I want him. That much has always been clear. There must be a good reason for the devastation I caused and am still causing to both of us. And there is—Lev loves me, but he isn’t actually in love with me.
Hear me out: I’m all Lev has ever known. I held his hand during his most traumatic experiences. Shared a bed with him throughout puberty. I slayed his demons for him, babied him to oblivion and back while we were kids, and taught him to depend on me to a point we literally couldn’t fall asleep unless we were in each other’s arms.
This wasn’t Knight and Luna’s sweet friendship. This was an all-consuming, jealous, possessive, destructive codependency.
It took me time to realize the amount of damage I’d caused to both of us, but eventually, I did.
Which is partly why I’m in this situation in the first place. Craving drugs. I’d spent so long wanting to know who I was without Lev Cole in my life that I didn’t take into consideration that person might be a weak teenager who isn’t good enough to make it as a ballerina.