Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 69398 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 347(@200wpm)___ 278(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69398 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 347(@200wpm)___ 278(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
“It’s fucked you had to live like that.”
“Well, not all of us have good families.”
“Yeah.”
He follows me down a dirt track that goes around the entire lake. People walk here all the time, but I had my own direction. I walk off the beaten path and toward a small stream that flows off the lake and into a pretty little area that not many people know about. It’s probably just overflow from the lake, but I never minded. I always liked it.
We reach it, and it is exactly the same as it was the last time I was here. I stop and just spend a moment taking it in, glancing around and enjoying every single breath of fresh air that fills my lungs.
“You find this place?” Bohdi asks me.
“Yeah,” I say, finding an old fallen tree and sitting on it. “I used to sleep here a lot. I liked the way the water trickled. It was relaxing.”
He sits down beside me, stretching his legs out. His shoulder is touching mine and the overwhelming emotions I’m feeling are hard to contain. I want to curl into him, kiss him, let him become part of me. I’ve never had a person who has willingly made love to me in my life. My boyfriend when I was younger was forceful and cruel, and then I was sold and that was also forceful and cruel. Nobody, not a single person, has ever ravished my body or cherished it.
I know Bohdi could.
I know he would.
But I also know he can’t.
That kills me.
“Hate the life you were handed, Merleigh.”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” I say, with a small laugh.
He glances at me. “Strong you are.”
I hold his gaze. “Tell me more about your family, Bohdi.”
“I don’t have much to tell. My dad left us for another woman, my mom found drugs, overdosed, and died. I married Isla, and here I am.”
“There is always more to it than that.”
“That’s all there is.”
He looks straight ahead again.
He doesn’t want to talk about it, I get that.
“Are you happy to have Taj back?”
“Yeah,” he answers. “He’s a good kid. They both are.”
“Do you think Isla is going to let you remain a part of their lives?”
“I think she will if she gets her own way. If she doesn’t ... I don’t know.”
“And her own way is you and her together?” I say softly.
“Yeah.”
“Is that an option?”
He exhales. “I don’t know, Merleigh. I don’t know.”
I fall silent, my heart slams against my ribcage with a force I can barely breathe through. He’s being honest, he’s always honest, but it doesn’t mean that his honesty doesn’t hurt like hell.
I want to say so many things, but I don’t.
“I’m sorry this is hurtin’ you,” he says, looking to me. “I never meant for any of this to hurt you.”
I nod, it’s all I have to give.
He reaches out, taking my face in his hands and holding it steady until I look at him. Only then does he murmur, “Everything I’ve shared with you, is real. One hundred percent real. I hope you know that.”
I need him. God, right now, in this moment, I need him so badly.
I want him more than he’ll ever know.
These are emotions I’m not used to dealing with.
They’re unfamiliar and overwhelming.
So much so, that I lean forward without thought.
Because if I thought about it, I wouldn’t do it.
But I do.
I lean forward and kiss him.
His lips are warm and soft, his face scratchy against my skin. He smells incredible and for a blissful moment, I allow myself to take that in. Every single inch of it.
But he groans with an exhale and pulls back.
My heart slams immediately through my gut, and I feel the whole world coming down around me.
“Don’t look at me like that, Merleigh. It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you. Fuck, I do. It’s that I’ve done so many bad things in my life, that right now I’m goin’ to try and do right.”
He’s choosing her.
That’s exactly what that means.
I stand and turn, rushing down the path with his voice trailing behind me as he calls out.
Tears burst forth and roll down my cheeks.
I thought living the life I experienced in my past hurt.
But this, this is so much worse.
Heartbreak is agonizing.
10
THEN - BOHDI
“I’m losing the baby,” Isla says, clutching her stomach, blood running down her legs.
She looks at me with frantic eyes, terrified.
I rush forward, dropping my work bag and keys, going straight to her. She’s halfway through, we’ve been married two weeks, and now she’s losing the baby. A baby we were told was healthy, going well, and everything was fine with. A little girl. We only found out last week.
“Calm down, I’ll call the ambulance,” I say, clutching her and reaching for my phone. “Maybe it’s something else.”
She cries out and doubles over as pain clearly takes her body in its claws. She’s screaming and my heart is racing. I dial 9-1-1. Within ten minutes, paramedics are on scene, loading her into the ambulance, and I’m in the back, my mind spinning, heart racing, not entirely sure what the fuck is going on.