Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
“Here,” he rasped, and held out the notebook again, like it was made from glass, and he was afraid it would break in his hands. That sunbeam landed on his hand again. And I felt it. Felt Poppy guiding me to share this … to share my pain.
“Read it,” I said, and Cael’s face paled. He began to shake his head no. I placed my hand on his again and turned the cover to reveal Poppy’s first entry to me. “Please,” I said, then added, “It would be nice for someone here to know her too.”
I saw stark fear in Cael’s expression at my request. But whatever he saw in mine made him look down and begin to read. I closed my eyes, and tipped my head back, letting the cool breeze run through my rain-dampened hair. I let a small smile grace my lips when I smelled a familiar hint of snow and sea salt … then what appeared to be vanilla.
There was only one person I knew who smelled like that.
The feeling of a hand covering my own broke me from my peace. I opened my eyes and looked down at those hands, only for Cael to turn them over. He threaded his fingers through mine, grasping hard. He had placed the notebook down on the ground.
Butterfly wings fluttered in my chest. More so when I saw his free hand protectively covering Poppy’s beautifully handwritten script. “He killed himself,” Cael said, barely loud enough for my ears to detect. But I heard it. I heard it, and although it was an almost silent confession, it was as effective as a scream in a large cave, echoing off the walls and slicing through my heart.
Cael’s grip tightened even more in mine.
“Cael—”
“My big brother. Cillian. He … I—” He shook his head, cutting off his shaking voice, unable to carry on. “I’m sorry, Sav. I can’t—I can’t talk—”
My soul ached at that news. My heart screamed in pain. I couldn’t imagine that. I couldn’t imagine losing Poppy or Ida in such a tragic way. I wouldn’t be able to bear it. How did you ever move on from a loss like that?
Cael … No wonder he was so lost and alone.
I brought our joined hands to my lips and kissed the back of his hand. Kissed the opaque broken-heart tattoo that was etched into his skin in thick black ink. He couldn’t finish what he was trying to say. Couldn’t bring himself to say those words aloud.
“I’m sorry,” I said in return, my words not capturing the level of sympathy I felt for him. Expelling any shyness into the open air, I inched closer to Cael and placed my head on his broad shoulder. His body was taut and tense as I did so. But then he exhaled a long, labored breath and laid his head against mine.
We sat, joined, watching in silence as the sunlight glittered off the lake. I had never had this. Had someone share in my pain and be so open about theirs with me. But my stomach fell when I thought of what he’d told me. His older brother had taken his life. That’s why Cael was so angry. So broken inside. That’s why—
“She loved you,” Cael said, interrupting my racing mind. His minty breath dusted over my cheek. He moved his head a fraction, and his lips ghosted over my hair. I closed my eyes and let the feel of his intimate comfort embrace me. “She loved you so much.”
“She did,” I whispered, not wanting to pierce the fragile bubble of peace we had created. I opened my eyes and watched a bird of prey circle above one of the lake’s many small islands. “I miss her more than I can say.”
“I miss him too,” Cael finally said, and I felt just how much that was by the way he melted into my side, like he was seeking any form of human contact, a safety net from a great fall that admission had caused. I wondered how long he had been walking alone, shunning any support from the world. I moved closer to him again, so close there wasn’t even an inch of air between us.
Two broken pieces searching for a way to feel whole.
“She left you an entire notebook,” Cael said. He paused, then quietly confided, “I was left seven rushed words on an old, discarded hockey game ticket.”
My soul shattered for him. Poppy’s passing had destroyed me. But I had answers as to why she had died. I was under no doubt that she adored me; she’d made sure to tell me often enough. I had gotten to say my goodbye, even if that goodbye had ultimately been my undoing.
Cael … He had been robbed of that vital moment.
I heard his breathing starting to hitch, and I was sure I felt a tear fall from his cheek and hit the side of my face. But I didn’t want to disturb this moment. I knew it was poignant to him.