Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 82034 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 410(@200wpm)___ 328(@250wpm)___ 273(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82034 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 410(@200wpm)___ 328(@250wpm)___ 273(@300wpm)
Avril just stares at me, and I stare at her. The silence becomes slightly awkward, and I don’t know what I’m waiting for. It’s not like I expect Avril to do the talking as she’s not the one who needs to apologize for anything.
“Can we sit in the living room?” I ask hesitantly. Which fuck… I’m never hesitant in anything I want or have ever asked for, but right now, I’ve never had higher stakes. My nerves are on overdrive.
“Sure,” she says casually.
She goes to a chair by the window, sits on it, and pulls her feet up under her. Leaning on the armrest, she holds the bottle of water lightly in her hand.
I take the small couch that sits perpendicular. It creaks and groans when I sit on it and smells faintly like mothballs and incense. Before I can even settle down, I know immediately that I can’t sit for this. I’m vibrating with so much nervous energy and need for her to forgive me, I pop right back up to my feet.
Avril chuckles, and I raise an eyebrow at her.
She nods toward the couch. “You could never sit still when you were ready to give a big presentation. You’re a pacer.”
My heart fucking squeezes in response, the nostalgia of how well this woman knows me hitting me all at once. Suddenly, the stakes seem so dire that I’m pretty sure my life will be over if I can’t have her.
“I went to see my dad,” I tell her as a starting point, which really isn’t the start of my journey to self-realization.
Her return smile is sadly sweet looking. Her eyes are soft with understanding. “How did it go?”
“It went okay,” I tell her as I walk around the oval coffee table to the window by her armchair. I look down at the courtyard and see that ugly ass cat sitting beside a lamppost. I turn my gaze down to Avril. “Nothing monumental, though. He filled me in on details I didn’t know. Like where he was and why he never came back for me.”
“Did it help to understand?” she asks.
I shake my head with a smile. “Not to understand anything about me. But it did help me to understand him.”
“Is that why you came to Paris to see me?” she asks as she lowers her eyes to where her thumb is wiping condensation from the bottle.
Without thought, I reach out to put my fingers under her chin. I force her to look up at me, and the stark amount of fear mixed with a tiny dash of yearning hope I see in there makes my legs go weak.
I give a shake of my head. “My dad had nothing to do with me coming here. I already had my reservation booked and decided to see him while I had some time before my flight.”
“Oh,” she says softly. “Then what caused your epiphany?”
“You leaving me caused it,” I tell her. I squat down beside her chair, resting my hands on the armrest. “I didn’t need any great epiphany, and I didn’t need to psychoanalyze myself. I already knew I was cowardly and weak when it came to commitments, and I already knew it was because of my dad abandoning me.”
“You’re not cowardly—”
My fingers go to her lips to press them closed. “I was. You needed me to help you deal with grief, and I got caught up in all the ways you might not love me. I let every single insecurity get the better of me, and that’s never happened to me in my life. I’ve brought a miraculous medical concept to life, raised millions of dollars in venture capital, and staked my entire life and reputation on my company, and not once was I ever insecure or doubtful about it. And then here comes this woman, who I’ve known forever, and the minute she tells me she loves me, I figure she’s going to abandon me. I didn’t even give you the benefit of the doubt, Avril. That was my huge failure.”
My fingers drop away from her mouth. She stares at me a moment before she murmurs, “I appreciate what you’re saying, but why are you here?”
“I’m here,” I say as I lean in toward her, putting my face as close to hers as I can without actually ruining my view of her beauty. “Because I love you. And I think I always have, but I was just too afraid to accept that into my life. I fucked up so bad by letting you go, and I am here in Paris, sitting before you right now, begging you to please give me another chance.”
The tiny muscles around Avril’s mouth tremble with emotion, and her eyes get shiny. “You love me?”
“Always have,” I tell her. “In a different way as friends, but that way is still there. I admire and respect you. I trust you so much but was too afraid to admit it. And now I love you in a completely new way that involves my heart and soul. Avril… I want a life with you. I want a committed relationship. I want to be the guy who is there when you stumble so I can pick you up, dust you off, and help you walk again. I want to be the man you can lean on when you grieve over ex-boyfriends. I’m ready to accept all of those challenges, and any others you may face in your life. I’m so fucking ready, and if you don’t come back to Vegas with me, I’ll stay here in Paris with you. I’ll sell the fucking company or give it to Andrew, and I’ll be your house boy while you’re the career woman. But I’m ready, and I’m here, and I really just need you to say you’ll give me another chance. We can’t go backward, Av. We can’t just go back to being friends, and I don’t want to fucking lose the friendship either, so the only way is forward.”