Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 78647 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 393(@200wpm)___ 315(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78647 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 393(@200wpm)___ 315(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
But I couldn’t tell Maisie that. She wouldn’t understand. “You are here for me, Maze. You found me a place to stay while I get my life together, and that’s more than my own parents are willing to do. But I need to figure things out on my own. I have to do this. I’ve never taken care of myself, and I don’t want to become a burden to anyone.”
It wasn’t until after I said the words that I realized how true they were. I’d relied on my parents, the church, and my community to help me with everything. Now that I was on my own, I didn’t know how to be an adult.
Maisie wrapped me in an embrace that almost made me cry. “If you have any questions, Bon, just ask. I’m still learning, too.” She hugged me much tighter now that the bruises had started to fade to an atrocious shade of yellow and green. “I love you, Bonnie. You’re my girl and don’t ever forget it.” She smacked a kiss on my cheek, bringing a tear to my eye. She slipped out the door without another word and left me alone with my thoughts.
Thoughts I couldn’t control. Thoughts that brought me pain.
I reached for the plastic baggie and poured another small mound on the back of my hand. I inhaled it until the pain was a distant memory. Just another hazy thought in the back of my mind.
It was better this way. Much better.
It was better than feeling constant pain. The pain of living. The pain of existing.
I couldn’t handle the memories. To be honest, I couldn’t handle anything.
But, the drugs helped me forget. They took away the pain and made me numb.
Like a shell of a person.
I didn’t feel—or think—about anything.
CHAPTER SIX
Cal
Club Degenerate called itself a nightclub, but at best, it was just a dive bar. The patrons ran the gamut from old drunks needing a strong cheap drink to the retired cops drinking to bury the pain, to bored housewives looking for a little excitement but not too much, and of course, the snakes that preyed on them all.
It wasn’t where I’d generally spend my free time, but I was meeting someone to help me track down the missing pieces of Agent Beck’s background.
Digging without Jasper’s approval was asking for trouble. He was such a stubborn ass sometimes that evidence was the only thing that would convince him of my suspicions. So I decided this was a scenario where it was better to ask for forgiveness instead of permission. While I waited, I watched the strange mix of people gathered to drink away their sins and their memories, feeling sorry for them until I spotted a familiar face.
Bonnie.
I almost didn’t recognize her in jeans that hugged her legs and ass in all the right places. It was a big difference from the shapeless skirts she favored that hit mid-calf most days, just below the knee on others. Her shirt wasn’t exactly lowcut, but it showed more of her chest and the swell of her cleavage than I’d seen outside of her lounging around the pool in a bathing suit. That was my first clue that something was up.
My second was the guy with the long blond hair, a lime green streak down the middle, approaching with a predatory gleam in his eyes. I knew that look well, had witnessed it in the eyes of grown men entrusted to keep me safe. Whoever this guy was, he considered Bonnie prey. And sitting there like she didn’t have a care in the world when I knew she bore the weight of it all on her frail shoulders, she made very appealing prey.
The Bonnie I’d met a few months ago, stuck up and so sure that her way was the right way, wouldn’t even breathe the same air as this guy, but this Bonnie, in a fucked up headspace thanks to life kicking her ass, greeted the guy with a hesitant smile.
“Hey, Cal, sorry I’m late. Sitter showed up thirty minutes late.” Chris was a guy I’d met online years ago, and we’d worked on some codes together over the years. He was a single dad, and I threw business his way when I could.
I looked up into tired brown eyes and nodded. “No worries. I’m keeping myself busy. You find anything?”
He took a seat across the high top from me, nodding and removing a flash drive from his bag as he did. Always multi-tasking.
“Beck’s father died under mysterious circumstances and the truth is, there’s no confirmation of his death. There's just no proof that he’s been alive for the past decade.”
That sounded exactly like the kind of string I needed to spend a few hours tugging on. “Thanks man.” He slid the flash drive across the table and took the wad of bills in exchange.