Total pages in book: 64
Estimated words: 63214 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63214 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
I questioned every moment now. Life was not what I thought it was. Everything appeared new and free to my preconceived ideas.
Even the clear blue sky above us, watching me as I chatted with an inanimate snowman. Even the sky I studied with a newborn’s eyes.
What flew up in that bright blue and wispy white that I did not see? What thoughts lay within the trees and in each speck of snow? How many things were alive around me that I couldn’t see? Did I need to protect myself more each day?
I have to be positive and not descend into further negativity.
Mom had always said that. She believed in positive and negative energy. Her theories didn’t parallel regular religions. In her mind, there was no heaven or hell, just light and darkness.
She’d explained all of this to me, one night when I turned nine years old.
“Negative energy loves the darkness.” She straightened her smile to a serious expression. “But never be afraid of the darkness, all you have to do is whisper God’s name and the light will whip it all away from you. All that bad stuff will disappear. But you must believe, baby. You must always believe.”
As I lay in bed that night, I stared at her with pure amazement. “Mommy, what about the positive energy?”
“It’s never bad to have positive energy flowing around you. Keep your mind still throughout the day. Stay mindful in everything you do. Don’t let bad thoughts creep into your mind. Don’t think too long on sad things.” She tapped the side of her head. “Bad thoughts breed bad things.”
“And bad thoughts come from negative energy?”
“Sometimes.”
“Is that what happen to my daddy?”
She frowned. “What do you mean, baby?”
“Is negative energy the reason why he’s never tried to meet me?”
She took her time answering it. God only knew what ran in her mind. I’d been asking her more and more about the father that I’d never met. Each time, she mumbled some things that didn’t make sense and had me go off to the other side of the house and do a chore.
“Your father never understood the power that he had in him. He had so much light.” She ran her fingers through my hair. “He thought he was full of darkness and so all he saw was the worst of life. When he. . .found out that I was pregnant, he didn’t take it as well as I did. I always wanted children. Your father. . .not so much.”
“He didn’t want me?”
“No. I’m not saying that.”
It was the first time, I witnessed my mother shaking.
“You are the light. Never forget that. You are everything positive about life, and your father didn’t want positive. He wanted darkness. He ran to it.” She sighed again. “And that’s all that I want to say about that. It’s late and time for bed.”
“But—”
“You have school in the morning.” She kissed me on both cheeks and stood. “Goodnight, baby.”
How could I use my mother’s knowledge in this situation?
She was the one that always had me whispering everything is okay to myself. She’d said it around me enough in the toughest of situations. She claimed that one had to believe everything would be okay for it to all work out. And sure enough, every time things went rough and chaotic, I chanted everything would be okay each moment of each day, and suddenly, everything would be better again.
That was the one thing that stuck with me.
It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.
I looked back at Remy. “I’m putting a snow jail around you because that’s the only thing that makes sense in my head. So far, you haven’t done anything to make me hurt you, but understand this,” I did my best to look threatening, “I have the power to destroy you in every way. You don’t want to fuck with me.”
Wind whipped. More snow fell.
Again, I had no idea if this was some response from Remy or the other spirits. Nothing could be taken lightly anymore. Everything in each moment would be studied and analyzed from here on out.
I spent the rest of the afternoon building small jails around Remy and the freaky ice threesome. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that the little prisons would hold them, but it was worth a try. What else could I do? I could’ve raced away from the property, but then would they find me? Wouldn’t the girls and I have to eventually come back? Would it be safe to come back?
I didn’t have answers for those questions and I didn’t know anyone else who’d been through a similar situation. I’d have to make all the first mistakes myself and be a lesson to others if I ever considered telling anyone else.
Either way, I had to be positive about the entire situation. And when the moonlight came and the darkness too, I would whisper God’s name and hope for the best.