Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
“I’m booked on the eleven fifteen.”
Shawn didn’t mention that was earlier than she usually left. He wondered whether she’d come here this weekend half-expecting to split up with him.
“You hungry?” he asked instead.
“Not very. But I could use some coffee.”
“There’s a surprise.” Shawn managed a chuckle despite the mood of the morning. Full of nervous energy, Beth ran on caffeine and chocolate. He got out of bed and pulled on some sweatpants and socks. It had been chilly yesterday for early October, and the house was never very warm because they tried to keep the heating low to save on bills.
“Some things never change,” she said lightly.
“Want it up here or downstairs?”
“I’ll come down in a minute.”
When it was time for Beth to leave, Shawn insisted on walking with her to the station.
“I’ll carry your bag,” he said.
“You don’t have to do that any more.”
“I want to.”
It wasn’t that Beth couldn’t manage her own case, but he needed the finality of seeing her off. He wasn’t ready to let go of her on the doorstep, and he didn’t want his housemates around for the final goodbye. He would have to tell them what had happened eventually. Jez was a nosey fucker and would soon notice if Beth and Shawn stopped visiting each other, but Shawn wanted to close the chapter with Beth before dealing with telling people it was over.
They walked in silence with the ever-present Plymouth seagulls circling overhead providing a wistful soundtrack. Shawn adjusted Beth’s sports bag on his shoulder. The strap dug in but he didn’t mind the pain. It gave him a focus for his discomfort, anchoring him in the present. He didn’t want to think about the future.
They parted ways at the ticket barrier. It was a weirdly anticlimactic goodbye.
“I’ll miss you,” she said, her eyes bright with tears. “I still care about you, you know.”
“I know. Same here.” He pulled her back into his arms for a hug. She clung to him and he wrapped his arms around her. It felt strange offering comfort when she was the one who was leaving him. He briefly wondered how it felt to be hugged by someone bigger and stronger than yourself, or at least someone of a similar size. It must be nice. He remembered his best mate, Mike, trying to hug him sometimes when they got drunk and affectionate on a pub crawl or in a club. Shawn had always pushed him away, uncomfortable with the contact and worried about what people might think.
Beth disentangled herself, interrupting his thoughts. Her eyes were wet now, and she dashed the tears away briskly before giving him a final kiss on the cheek.
“Take care of yourself, Shawn. I hope you find someone who makes you happy. I wasn’t the right girl.”
“You too. Have a nice life.” He meant it to sound like a joke, but it came out sounding bitter, so he clarified. “I mean it. I want you to be happy too.”
She smiled. “I know. I have to go or I’m gonna miss my train. I’ll see you around on Facebook.” She picked up her bag, hefting it onto her shoulder. “Goodbye, Shawn.”
“Bye.”
She hurried through the barriers, turned the corner onto the platform, and was gone.
Shawn swirled the last dregs of his beer around in the bottom of the bottle. The numbing blanket of alcohol had descended around him, a welcome buffer between him and the world. How many had he drunk tonight? Maybe five… or even six? He’d lost count after the third.
He should probably switch to water and then head to bed; he had an early shift in the morning that meant getting up at seven.
Fuck it. He’d started early and it was only nine o’clock. One more wouldn’t hurt.
He drained the bottle, heaved himself out of the armchair, and navigated unsteadily towards the living room door. “Need more beer,” he mumbled, then much louder, “Ouch!” That was his shin on the coffee table. He stooped to rub it and nearly lost his balance.
“Are you sure about that, Shawny?” Jez asked mildly.
Shawn raised his head and glared at him belligerently.
Jez was all cuddled up with Mac on one of the large sofas. Their hands were laced together on Jez’s thigh, and they both looked so fucking smug and happy. The sight of them made something ugly twist in Shawn’s stomach.
“Fuck off,” he said.
Jez shrugged. “You’ll thank me in the morning.”
Shawn ignored him and went to the kitchen to get another beer. Jez wasn’t his mum, and Shawn could handle his beer. His job wasn’t exactly challenging, and it wouldn’t be the first time he’d done it with a hangover. He’d done that far too many times since he started working there in July, but whatever.
Back in the living room, he threw himself into his armchair again. The TV was on, showing an old episode of Prison Break, but Shawn wasn’t paying attention to it. Sunk in a black hole of despondency, he gazed surreptitiously around the room at his housemates instead.