Total pages in book: 166
Estimated words: 157273 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 157273 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
“No.” The dimple in his cheek popped. “New York.”
He was gone before I could even process the words, what the location meant. My stomach fell. No, he didn’t. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t do something that impulsive, that . . . reckless.
Why didn’t he choose Sitka? Cape Cod I understood, but New York? We’d never even discussed the possibility.
We can be together. I immediately stuck a pin in that particular childish bubble of joyous thought and popped it. New York would take everything I loved about us and muddle it, wreck it. My life there would ruin Hudson. Stealing scant hours with me for a month was one thing, but we couldn’t build a life on it. Oh God. He’d just given up a chance at his dream duty station to live out what would end in a nightmare with me, and now he’d have to wait another three years before he could make another request.
I got up, showered, and dressed as my mind spun. When the town’s lone taxi service pulled into the driveway an hour later, I was already sitting on the front porch steps with Sadie curled at my side.
Gavin would set this right. He wouldn’t let Hudson throw himself away on . . . me.
“What’s wrong?” Gavin asked as soon as he stepped out of the taxi. “You look like something’s wrong. Is Hudson okay? Did something happen? He just texted me an hour ago—”
“Hudson’s fine,” I assured him as the taxi pulled away. “At least until I get my hands on him. Did you know he changed his duty-station preference to New York?”
Gavin’s posture sagged in relief. “No, but that doesn’t surprise me.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Shit, you scared me. I thought something was wrong, from the look on your face.”
“Something is wrong!” I stood.
“Because he wants to be near you?” His arms dropped to his sides. “Are you seriously pissed that he’s willing to uproot his whole life, and piss off our sister—which I fully support—in order to be with you?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m pissed because he didn’t choose Sitka! That’s been his dream since I met him, to get as far away from this town as possible.” My shoulders drooped and I fought the growing, bittersweet ache in my chest I couldn’t name for the sake of my sanity. “He should get to have his dream, too, Gavin. And I get putting it on hold to come back and help Caroline. He’s an incredible brother. But putting it on hold for me? You have to talk him out of it.”
“I don’t think that’s how that works.” Gavin rocked back on his heels and stared at me like I’d grown a set of horns. “Damn, Allie, you really don’t get it, do you?”
“That he’s selfless? Yeah, choosing a career where he literally risks his life for other people clued me in.” I folded my arms.
“No, that you’re his dream. He’s in love with you,” Gavin countered.
My breath abandoned me in a rush. “He’s not.” I smothered the sudden rush of warmth behind my ribs.
“He is.” Gavin nodded, throwing out his hands. “Of course he wants to be stationed where you are. Would it really be that bad, being in a real relationship with my brother? Or were you just playing around with him for the summer?”
“I would never do that.” I drew back at the insult. Hudson and I had an agreement. We both knew what this was.
“Are you sure you’re not looking to ditch him now that the Classic is over? Rousseau girls specialize in yanking out an Ellis boy’s heart and throwing it back when September rolls around.” His gaze narrowed.
I jabbed my finger his direction. “That was uncalled for.”
He sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Would it really be so bad if he got New York? Forget your fear and your need to keep everyone but Sadie at arm’s length. Would it be the end of the world if you went home to Hudson every day?”
I breathed through that thought, trying to push past the logic of what my life would do to him, and focusing on that growing pressure in my chest. “No.” I shook my head. “It would be pretty great.” That was a selfish answer. “But it would be too hard on him.”
“Let him decide what’s hard.” Gavin’s fists opened and closed, jingling the keys. “Look, I was there. I saw what losing you did to him the first time, so I can’t blame him for grabbing hold with both hands and holding on. For fuck’s sake, just let him hold on, Allie. He’s strong enough for the both of you.”
My brow scrunched. “What do you mean, you were there? I don’t remember you being at the Classic that year.”
“No.” He shook his head and looked at me like I’d grown two. “Who the hell do you think picked him up at the hospital that day? Me.” He tapped his chest with his hand. “I’m the one he called. I’m the one who had to coax the words out of him when he walked out of the emergency department covered in your blood. I’m the one who had to make up some bullshit story to our parents about why he wouldn’t speak for the next four days before he left for basic. So excuse me if I just want him to finally be happy!”