Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 80564 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80564 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
A little over four months later
Letting Max go was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done. It felt like I was cutting out my heart. It felt like I was dying. When I watched them drag him away, a part of me did die. Being without him is like losing a part of myself. I exist without Max, just going through the motions. It’s miserable.
Marcum and the club have been my lone source of sanity. Marcum moved me into the beach cottage that Max and I shared together before. He offered me Max’s house, but that wasn’t where I wanted to be. This place has memories, good memories, of my time with Max. Cherry had the boys work like crazy to fix everything the baby or I could need. We turned one of the spare rooms into a nursery, which I decorated in pinks and browns with baby animals as my theme. My favorites were the baby giraffes and hippos even though Marcum said the hippos were going to scare the hell out of his granddaughter.
Over the past few months, I’ve managed to turn this place into a home. It feels good, except Max isn’t here. It’s been hard going through this alone. Not money wise, because apparently Max fixed it so I didn’t have to worry about working. That takes some getting used to, but it’s been good. I’m not sure where I’d find the energy to work right now. The most difficult thing to experience without Max is the pregnancy. From the morning sickness to the swollen feet and bloated feeling, all the way to the increased sex drive and being tired all the time—all of that I’ve dealt with okay. It would have been nice to have Max with me though, to complain to and hold my hand. Marcum and Cherry have gone with me to every doctor’s appointment. Their support has been invaluable, but again, I wanted Max by my side. He’s missing so much. He hasn’t even got to feel the baby kick.
I knew it wouldn't go as easily as Marcum and Max believed. I knew it. Life just doesn't work that smoothly. It never has. It has been almost four months since Max was sentenced. I get to see him for thirty minutes every two weeks. That's it. It's a special kind of hell being so close to him but never getting to touch him.
Max is miserable; I see it in his eyes. Sometimes I think I make it worse. With each visit, he gets more sullen and withdrawn. Today is special though. I get to see Max without the glass division between us. It took some major work from Marcum and him finessing government officials, but I get an hour to touch and hold Max. He can finally feel his daughter move. As the guard leads me to a small closed off room, I am filled with excitement and nerves. I need this to work. I need this to get through to Max; to give him hope.
The door opens, and Max is sitting at a table, looking angry. He always looks angry these days.
“I'll be right outside, Ms. Oliver. I told Marcum I'd do my best to give you an hour but if the men can't keep the supervisor busy I'll have to come in and get you early. The warden only gave us the go ahead for fifteen minutes,” the guard says.
“I understand. Thank you, Andy,” I tell him, wishing he would leave already.
“What's going on Tess?” Max asks, his voice darker than I remember.
“Marcum fixed it so we could spend our time today just the two of us.”
“Why?”
“Gee, Mad Max. I've missed you too.”
“You shouldn't be here. I told you last time, to quit coming. There's nothing here for you, Tess.
“The man I love is here. The father of my child is here, Max.”
“We were wrong, Tess. There’s no guarantee of when I’ll get out of here. Hell, our child could be in high school. Do you seriously think you can continue living like this? You need to grow up.”
“It’s just a year, Max and then…”
“And then, nothing. Don’t you get it, Kitten? I murdered someone with my bare hands. Then, I escaped. That’s all they see. That’s it. I’m just a number, another worthless piece of scum in the system. The year will come and go and then it will be just like before. A parade of parole hearings where nothing changes.”
“That’s not true, Max! I told you before. I could have got you paroled that day. I know it! You just need to play the system, sweetheart.”
“You need to quit dreaming, Tess. This isn’t a fucking fairytale. There’s no happily ever after coming for me. You need to find a man and get that white picket fence you’ve been dreaming of. It’s not with me. It will never be with me.”