Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 73002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
He was lonely.
He missed Wells so damn bad, and he hated how everything had gone down. So many times, he had picked up the phone to tell Wells he was sorry, that he would tell his family. But every time, he didn’t do it. He couldn’t do it.
He was a coward.
His family was in town, and yet, he still couldn’t utter the words.
I’m gay, and I’m in love with a stellar man.
He couldn’t say it, nor would he because his family wasn’t even with him at that moment. To be honest, he was a bit jealous they were all out with his sister, Avery, and he was stuck in the bar eating hotel food. It was good, and the beer was cold, but he wanted to be with them. Not that Avery would allow it. Again, with good reason. Too many years of him being a complete and utter asshole to her. In his defense, he had been young, confused, and completely insecure. Avery wasn’t, though. No, his twin was beyond secure, talented, beautiful, and so smart. He envied her. She was a star. But in high school, when she’d started to date the guy he was in love with, all hell broke loose inside him. He was jealous, and because of that, he tried to ruin her.
For so long, he’d ignored that part of himself. The part that had hurt her. Because it hurt him too. He shouldn’t have done it; he should have loved his sister unconditionally, and he knew that. But at the time, he didn’t even know himself. He was living a lie and taking it out on his sister. Something he regretted immensely. Though, only he knew that.
Wells knew it all. He knew the bad, the ugly, and the really fucking wicked. And yet, he still loved him. Insane, Matty knew, but Wells did. He urged Matty to go talk to someone, mostly because Wells’s sister was a therapist. Apparently, everyone needed to talk to someone at a point in their life, according to her. But even after all the hours with his team’s therapist, Matty couldn’t bring himself to apologize to his sister. To own up to what he had done.
To fucking come out to his family.
Swallowing hard, he brought the beer to his lips as he drank it slowly. Dropping it from his lips, he set the beer down beside his plate before moving his utensils onto the plate to signal the bartender he was done. Leaning back in his seat, he pulled his phone out and hit the Facebook app to pass time. His brothers said they’d join back up with him after they finished, which was why he didn’t just head up to his room as he’d usually do.
Lately, he just hadn’t felt like being around anyone. He felt hollow, and he hated it. He knew the reason, but he couldn’t seem to fix it. Fixing it—coming out like Wells wanted him to—would cause a clusterfuck no one wanted. Plus, a part of him thought maybe Wells would come around. Yeah, Wells hadn’t texted him back, nor returned his calls, but Matty still didn’t believe they were truly done. There was no way. He loved Wells. Like, really loved him. With every beat of his heart, and he knew Wells loved him.
That didn’t just end.
It couldn’t.
Or at least, that’s what he was telling himself.
Sliding his thumb up along the screen, he liked pictures of his friends doing keg stands back at college, a grin on his face until he slid up to his brother Laurence’s status.
My stunning niece and beautiful sister.
Underneath the words was a picture of the most beautiful little girl Matty had ever seen. Ashlyn Joy was her mother made over, though people always claimed she looked like Jace. Yeah, she had her father’s eyes, but it was Avery’s lips and cheeks, along with the little tilt of the baby’s eyes, that reminded him of his sister. She was a darling baby, a child Matty had never met. As the only baby in the family, since neither Laurence, Seth, and of course, Matty had started a family, it was easy to say Ashlyn was spoiled rotten.
By everyone but Matty.
And boy, did he want to spoil that little girl.
He remembered admitting that to Wells one night as the two of them lay in bed, both spent from their lovemaking. Just like he was at the moment, he had been scrolling through Facebook when he saw a post from his mom. Ashlyn was little bitty then, and he couldn’t help it, he started to cry.
“Go see her. I’ll go with you,” Wells pleaded, kissing his jaw, but Matty shook his head.
“I can’t.”
No matter how many times Wells asked why he couldn’t, Matty would never admit that if he went and apologized to his sister, he’d have to admit that she was right when she accused him of being gay and that he was jealous of her. While it was completely the truth, he knew as soon as he came out to her, she’d tell everyone. He wouldn’t blame her. It’d be that stab in the back he had done to her so many times. He deserved it. So if he were ever to apologize to her, he’d have to tell his family first that he was gay.