Total pages in book: 30
Estimated words: 27599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 138(@200wpm)___ 110(@250wpm)___ 92(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 27599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 138(@200wpm)___ 110(@250wpm)___ 92(@300wpm)
They comforted me.
“Those two men out there—are they your boyfriends?” Tinsley asked me.
I nodded. She hummed. “Interesting. What’s it like having two boyfriends? I can barely tolerate my husband.”
I snorted, my lips twitching with a smile. “It’s different, for sure,” I shrugged, determined to keep my mind open. I had suggested this. I had wanted a change. I was determined to do better.
She nodded, pursing her lips. “Did one of them talk you into coming here, or did you make that decision on your own?”
I drew in a deep breath, pulling my knees toward my chest and crossing my arms. “Um, I made the decision on my own. Blaze is just footing the bill. I wanted a trauma therapist.”
She nodded in understanding. “Making that decision for yourself is a very big and very brave step forward, Montana. So, I want you to take a moment to be proud of the steps you’re taking to living a better, more fulfilled life.”
It was quiet for a moment. She got a little more comfortable in her chair, the leather creaking as she did so. “Let’s talk about some of the ways you cope first,” she said. “When you feel yourself getting a little out of control, are you able to recognize the signs?”
I shrugged. “Most of the time. I get angry and irritable, though I’m getting better about lashing out.” I snorted. “Well, except with Blaze. He gives as good as he gets, and I think he understands me when I start lashing out at him.”
“What happens in those situations?”
I rubbed my hands along my thighs, biting back a hiss when I hit the tender spot Blaze had been gripping a few minutes ago. She arched a brow at me, not missing a thing. “Blaze is pretty hard and controlling. I don’t know if that makes much sense. But it works for us. I lash out, and he puts me in my place. He somehow calms whatever mess is going on up in here,” I said, gesturing to my head. I stared straight ahead at the other wall, a frown pulling at my lips.
“What else do you do to cope?” she asked.
I paused for a moment. What were the chances she’d have me admitted? Then again, I doubted Blaze would ever let anyone take me from him and Jonah.
“Pain helps.”
She hummed. “Let’s start there—with pain. How does pain help, and how do you bring that pain upon yourself?”
I didn’t want to get Blaze in trouble, so I wasn’t sure how to answer this question. Everything he did to me, he did it because I welcomed it. Well, except for that one time, but honestly, I didn’t even care about it.
“Blaze inflicts it, but not in an abusive way,” I rushed to explain. “It’s—sometimes it’s a touch, like earlier. He was gripping my thigh, and when I started freaking out—he notices the signs so easily—he squeezed my thigh to the point it hurt, drawing me out of my head.”
She nodded. “Let’s start today with some healthy coping mechanisms,” she said, planting her feet on the floor and leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Because while him inflicting pain helps you, it’s not healthy. And we want to get you healthy, Montana.”
I nodded in agreement, giving her my full, undivided attention.
This was what I was here for, and I was going to do better for me, my child, my men, and my brother.
I was tired of always fighting. I wanted to finally be able to take a moment to just fucking rest.
9
Montana
I was exhausted when my therapy appointment was over, and I had to go through it all over again in two days. And to think, all we’d done today was cover grounding techniques. In two days, we’d start the nitty gritty shit, which I was not looking forward to.
Because she’d be diving into my head and uncovering shit I wasn’t ready to have exposed.
Jonah and Blaze both stood when I stepped out of the back. Jonah held up his phone as I walked over to them. “Got a call to fill in tonight,” he told me, grabbing my hand in his. Blaze walked ahead of us to the door and held it open. “You want to come with me?”
I yawned. What I wanted was a nap, but I’d also never pass up the opportunity to see him in the ring. “What time?”
Jonah gently squeezed my hand. “We’ve got three hours. Plenty of time for you to take a nap, baby girl.” He rubbed his thumb under my eye when we reached Blaze’s truck. “You look fucking tired, baby.”
I nodded. He opened the passenger door for me and helped me slide into the truck. Blaze reached over and grabbed my chin, pressing his lips to mine. “Proud of you, sweetheart. Now rest those eyes.”