Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 98909 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 495(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98909 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 495(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
My finger hovers over the message icon. There’s no harm in chatting him up, right? I tap it, then send the standard greeting. Yo.
He doesn’t keep me waiting. Yo.
Nice profile pic, I say. Because flattery works.
Thanks. Um… A laughing emoji pops up on the screen. I never chatted up a dude before. But here goes: Likewise. I can see you’re busy with the ab curls.
You have no idea, I fire back. My tight abs are my bread and butter. So you want a guy for a threesome but it weirds you out to chat me up on an app? How’s that gonna play out for you on the gf’s birthday? You could—gasp—see my actual dick.
Might as well get the tricky questions over with immediately.
LobsterShorts: Simmer down. Just give me a minute to get used to the idea. You’re the first one to DM.
SinnerThree: Aw, I popped your cherry? I’m so flattered. Was I gentle?
LobsterShorts: It was life-changing. I feel like a whole new person.
He adds an eye-roll emoji, and I snort with laughter. A sense of humor is a good sign. Want to show me your pretty faces? If we end up making plans together, I’m gonna see ‘em anyway.
Can’t, he replies immediately. Not on an app. The gf and I haven’t talked yet about when to reveal any personal information.
SinnerThree: Aren’t you worried that I’m ugly?
LobsterShorts: Are you?
SinnerThree: Fuck no. I was actually hired for my job because I please the ladies.
LobsterShorts: Well, my dentist used to put my face on the front of his brochure, until I asked him to stop. So that’s settled.
I laugh again. Can I give you a little piece of advice? If your girl is worried about privacy, take the birthday thing out of your profile. Your neighborhood computer geek could cross reference that against social media pretty easily and find out who you are.
Fuuuuuck is his response. BRB.
Sure enough, his profile description has changed when I refresh the screen a minute later.
Thanks, he says a moment later. You use the app a lot?
SinnerThree: Define a lot. I log in constantly but don’t have time for many meet-ups.
LobsterShorts: Student?
Part-time, I lie. Because you have to keep your distance. You?
LobsterShorts: Student. Full time.
Bummer. I’d rather hook up with people who aren’t part of the Darby College community. These things are tricky.
Have you done threesomes with a couple before? is his next question.
Yeah, I reply, feeling like I’m on a job interview. They’re not as easy to set up as a plain old hookup. But when it works out, it’s some of the most fun you can have.
LobsterShorts: That sounds promising.
SinnerThree: You’re a newb, right? Trust me that it’s fun watching a couple push their own boundaries. It’s like taking part in a porn shoot. Except it’s real.
I get why that’s hot, he replies.
And—I don’t add this, but it’s the best part—when it’s done, it’s over. Unlike actual dating, there’s no expectations. We go our separate ways.
SinnerThree: Define the kind of hot you’re looking for. What heat level are we talking here?
He takes a few seconds to respond. I’m not sure what you’re asking. Total newb, remember?
I smile, because I appreciate his honesty. A lot. Okay, you said this is your girl’s idea. And you said you’re open to it. But, open to what? I decide to be blunt. Watching me fuck her? Does she want to watch us? Do you want my hands on you or just on her? Want to fuck me? Want to be fucked? Options are endless…
LobsterShorts: Whoa. OK. That’s a lot to think about.
SinnerThree: No kidding. That’s why this shit gets sorted out ahead of time. You can’t just play it by ear.
LobsterShorts: You have to admit, tho, that there’s benefits to making everything a game-time decision. How the fuck do I know what I want until I try it?
I let out a snort of laughter. Do you ask waiters to bring you a taste of everything before you choose your food off the menu?
LobsterShorts: What, like that’s weird? Do you expect me to choose between the tavern burger and the fish and chips with no prior knowledge???
This guy. I hope I’m not being punked by some rando with no plans to go through with it, because I’m starting to like him.
SinnerThree: Okay, look. What kind of porn do you like?
LobsterShorts: The naked kind.
I tap out an eyeroll emoji. Naked women?
LobsterShorts: Yes.
SinnerThree: Naked men?
LobsterShorts: Sure, I guess? I watch a lot of gangbang porn, orgies, etc. Naked women with naked men, in all sorts of combinations. I dunno. My taste in porn is far-reaching. I’m more of a gourmand than a gourmet.
Like I even know what that means. I actually tap into the dictionary on my phone and type in gourmand. It bugs the shit out of me not to know what words mean. It’s like my poverty is showing.