Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 94012 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94012 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
“Yeah, I hope so.”
Tugging on my hair, I closed my eyes. “Listen, call me as soon as you know, okay? I’ll be waiting by the phone.”
“Of course. You know I will.”
After we hung up, I hit the road to collect Clancy. After I’d signed her out, the nurse brought her to me. My poor girl’s face was all red, and she was wearing a different outfit than she’d had on this morning when I dropped her off. The shirt looked three sizes too big.
I knelt. “Baby, are you okay?”
She shook her head no but said nothing. It was unlike Clancy not to verbalize a response. She really was feeling like crap. I had to get her home.
“Thanks again,” I told the nurse before taking Clancy to the car, praying she would make it until we got back to the house.
Once we were home, I put her in the tub and started a bubble bath. Of course, right in the middle of it, she threw up again, so I had to drain the tub and start over. What a clusterfuck.
My heart was going a mile a minute between worrying about my daughter and wondering what was happening with Noelle at that appointment. The clock showed one thirty. Unless they were running late, she probably would’ve been seen by now.
I washed the vomit out of my daughter’s hair and wrapped her in a towel. She looked so miserable. I drained the tub again, got Clancy dressed, and put her in bed with a bottle of Gatorade on the table next to her.
“You want me to read you a story?” I asked, smoothing her hair.
“No, Daddy. I just want to lie down and watch TV.”
I nodded. “Okay, baby. Let me know if you need anything. I have some chicken broth. I can heat it up if you get hungry.”
She nodded, so I left her alone for a bit, still peeking in at her through the open door. She looked so vulnerable lying there.
I realized my own stomach was a little unsettled, mainly because I still hadn’t heard from Noelle. Rather than pace and stress myself out even more, I gave Mariah a quick call to update her on Clancy. Just as we were finishing, another call came through. My heart leapt when I realized it was Noelle.
I said goodbye to Mariah and switched over to answer. “Hey.”
“Hi… So, it was negative.”
I let out my breath in one long exhale. My heart had fallen to my stomach. I paced. “Are you okay? I mean, that’s probably the dumbest question ever.”
“I am okay. After the first time, I sort of braced myself to expect this. At least I know what it feels like already, you know?”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “Unfortunately, I do. I was hoping for better news, but I think I was bracing for it, too.”
“It is what it is.”
“You say that a lot.” I smiled.
“Well, there are no truer words.”
“Probably.”
“We can’t change it, so we have to accept it.”
I’d expected to feel bummed, but this was more like devastation. We’d only planned to do three IUI cycles, so only one more left before Noelle reassessed. Sure, we could move on to IVF, but given the cost and stress involved, I didn’t know if she’d want to.
“How is Clancy?” she asked.
“Well, she threw up in the tub, so I started over and bathed her again. Now she seems pretty stable. She’s in bed watching her favorite show.”
“You’re such a good dad.”
“I’m only doing what I have to.”
“I know, but not everyone has a dad like you.”
The sadness in her voice was palpable.
“I wish you could come over,” I told her. “I could cook for you or something.”
“Thanks, but even if Clancy weren’t sick, I have quite a bit of work to do this afternoon. I’m late on a deadline. So it’s just as well.”
“Will you call me later if you want to talk?”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to disturb you. You’re busy with a sick kid.”
“I’m never too busy for you. She’s probably going to be in bed most of the afternoon. I’m here if you need me.”
“Is there anything you need from the store?” Noelle asked. “I could ask my driver to stop at the market and your place on my way home, since you can’t leave.”
“Thank you, but I think we’re okay. I have saltines and some broth from the last time she got a stomach bug. When they’re in school, they’re always catching shit.”
“I can imagine.”
“You’ll know what I mean someday. Believe me, you will.”
“I hope so, Archie. Thank you again for, you know, giving me this opportunity. It sucks to have a negative test but…” She paused. “Gosh, I was about to say, ‘it is what it is.’ I do use that a lot, don’t I?”
“Yep.” I chuckled.
After we hung up, a feeling of emptiness followed me the rest of the afternoon. I kept wishing Noelle was here with me, and I worried about having only one more IUI opportunity.