Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 60342 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 302(@200wpm)___ 241(@250wpm)___ 201(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60342 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 302(@200wpm)___ 241(@250wpm)___ 201(@300wpm)
“I was so fucking proud of you,” he says, smiling sadly. “I was a fanboy in the crowd, wanting to tell everyone you were my girl. But I knew they wouldn’t believe me. Look at you … and look at me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were there? I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t tell you I was coming because I wanted to surprise you. I had this big, stupid idea that I would find you after the show and tell you that I couldn’t live without you and that we’d figure out how to make things work.”
I cover my mouth with my hand.
He did come for me.
Luke lowers the speed as we hit the gravel and takes the bend slowly.
The sky is jet-black and starless. This far from town, there are no streetlights, and the only thing you can see is wherever the headlights shine. It seems fitting.
“It has killed me to hear you say that I didn’t come for you—that I didn’t fight for us,” he says, pulling up the driveway. “Because I did go to you. I did try to make things right. My God, it’s all I ever wanted.”
“Then why didn’t you see me?”
We climb to the top of the hill. He parks the truck and then kills the engine.
“I called you after the concert,” he says warily. “Your dad answered your phone.”
My spirits sink. A bitter taste rises from my stomach, and I nearly gag.
“He had me come backstage.” Luke stares at the house—not at me. “So I did. Your dad met me at a certain place, and I knew immediately something was wrong. He led me down a hallway and then cracked open a door.” A faint smile settles on his lips. “You were sitting on a couch with a handful of girls and guys living the dream. You looked so happy. I couldn’t take that away from you.”
I swallow past a lump in my throat. “But I wasn’t happy, Luke. I was playing a part. When you’re on stage performing, you’re not Laina Kelley, the girl from Indiana who used to have a lemonade stand every summer and charged fifty cents a cup. You become someone else, a caricature, almost. That stadium full of screaming fans? They’re not there to support me. They’re there to sell the Laina Kelley, the woman who never has bad days. The one who always smiles. The one with the perfectly curated answer to every question because no one is allowed to ask her questions unless they’re submitted beforehand and cleared.”
Irritation gets the best of me, and I get out of the truck.
“Why are you mad?” he asks, meeting me at the porch.
“Because …” I calm myself. I don’t want to make this worse. I don’t want to blow it up into something I’ll regret in the morning. “You realize you stripped me of being happy, right?”
“I wasn’t happy either.”
“But you decided that for yourself. You’re allowed to do that. But why does every fucking person in my life think I can’t decide those things for myself?”
My voice is entirely too loud for the conversation, but it’s get loud or cry.
“Just to be clear,” he says, narrowing his eyes. “I didn’t break my own damn heart to hurt you. I was young. Naive. Foolish. What do you want me to say? When your dad told me that you were contemplating a world tour but wouldn’t do it if I came back into your life—”
“What?”
Luke takes a step back.
“You and my father discussed what you thought was best for me?” I ask so calmly that Luke puts even more space between us. Smart man. “Oh, my gosh. You had your own little clandestine deal going behind the scenes, and I didn’t even know.”
“Laina—”
“Why am I surprised?” I laugh at myself. “Why did I think that you were above that? Because I did. I didn’t think there was a chance in hell that you would team up with my father—”
“That’s not what happened.”
I square my shoulders to his. “Did you or did you not have a conversation with him in which the sole purpose was to decide my future?”
He looks at the ground.
“Dammit, Luke. Why does everyone think they get to speak for me? Think for me? Why does everyone assume that someone else can handle me better than I can handle myself?”
“It wasn’t like that, Laina. Not for me.” He whips his face to mine, his eyes blazing. “Please listen to me for a second.”
“Why have you never told me this? Why did I have to hear it from your dad?”
“I started to tell you a hundred times, but I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.”
I pace a circle, trying to relieve some of the energy looking for an escape.
“There were so many days, weeks, and even months when I dissected everything about myself,” I say. “You were my best friend, my confidant. And I was in this new and exciting world and just wanted you with me. I needed you, Luke.”