Series: Shame On You Series by Willow Winters
Total pages in book: 55
Estimated words: 51495 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 257(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51495 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 257(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
She whips her head around toward me. “Well, sign it.” Aria glances back at the saucepan and the ingredients she’s arranged on the countertop. She lifts her hands, but then she pauses and looks back at me. “You are going to marry him, right?” Her question is softly spoken, not judgmental, but once again concerned.
“Yes. I want to marry him.” I answer without thinking and only after it’s spoken do I realize how true it is.
“I love him,” I whisper to her but also to me as tears prick the back of my eyes.
Aria lets out a heavy breath. “Okay, good.”
She’s clearly relieved, but my stomach drops from the way she said it. I’m beginning to understand the situation with far more clarity than I’ve had before. If I don’t marry Declan, things could go very badly for me. I don’t really have a choice, do I?
It makes all those things I wanted to experience with my mom by my side feel less important and more important at the same time. Obviously, not getting to cut a wedding cake with my mom looking on isn’t as important as our safety. But knowing that our lives are so fragile that we have to do everything in our power to protect ourselves makes me want it even more.
I want her to know my husband. I want her to know who I am when I’m with him. Who I’ve grown to be. I’m certainly not the same woman I was months ago, only worried about how I was going to pay my rent. My entire world has changed. I wouldn’t be the same without knowing the Cross brothers. And Declan wouldn’t be the same without me.
“They might be brutal men,” Aria states, breaking into my thoughts. “But they fight and love with the same intensity.”
There’s a half-smile on Aria’s face when she turns back to the saucepan. It makes me think of her with Carter. The two of them as a couple. She’s kind and generous, and he’s a Cross brother, but…they clearly work. The two of them have overcome whatever fears either of them had. It probably happened over time.
I’ve heard stories though. I know she grew up in this life and she has a brutal side to her as well. I wonder if she was always like this or if Carter made her this way.
I wonder what I’ll grow to be and how much like her I may become. My heart pangs, even Declan used to be different. This world turned him brutal.
There’s a massive difference between how I felt about Declan as a child and when I walked in here weeks ago. How I feel about him now is just as different. Back then, I mostly felt bad for Declan and his brothers. Losing their mom and their father being the way he has…
It’s one of the reasons I was so drawn to him. He was like a broken bird. He only needed someone to love him. I could feel it even as a little girl.
So to love him now…of course I do. Of course I love him. It’s not him that holds me back, it’s this fucked-up brutal world and all that comes with loving a man like him.
My signature on a sheet of paper doesn’t seem like as much protection as bodyguards and guns, but it is. It keeps me safe in a way that Declan might not always be able to with brute force and an intimidating presence.
If I can understand that, so can my mom. Somehow, we can make this work. We have to, because life isn’t worth living without the people I love.
My face heats up at the thought. It’s as if I blinked and I see it all so differently. I was so scared before that I couldn’t see how much they meant to me, or how much I meant to them. Everything seemed hopeless. Now I know that it’s not, and here I am, tempted to give in to those feelings.
“They care for you, Braelynn.” Aria doesn’t turn to face me as she stirs the meat sauce in the pan, but her voice is gentle. “I was there when the lawyer called, and he told us—” She shakes her head. With a few taps of the spatula on the edge of the pan, she puts it down and finally looks at me. “I care for you, too. So if you ever feel low again, will you tell me? I’m here for you. We’re all here for you.”
“Ever feel low?” I whisper the way she said it and feel my throat get tight. We both know what she’s talking about. The window incident.
“I don’t judge you,” she says firmly. “All of us have our issues.”
“I think…” I run my hand over my hair. Behind me, the water is starting to bubble. I can hear them popping at the surface. “I think I mostly just don’t want to talk about it.”