Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 82896 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82896 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
“What he did to us… He did to us both, Drake. He forced your hand because he wanted you to suffer. And I don’t know if he hadn’t hurt you more.”
It was like a slap, and Drake recoiled, letting go of Clover. “Don’t say that. I’m fine.” He took a deep breath, struggling to find words that could express his thoughts. “You’re so precious. And I made you cry and scream, and I just… I see the man who did it to you every time I look in the mirror.”
Clover looked straight into his eyes. “And I see a man hurt endless times for no fault of his own. A man who wants to do the right thing by me. A man I still love. A man I lust for. You are not just the thing you did that night. We survived.”
Drake sucked in air. “Did we?”
Clover ran his fingers through his hair, and for the first time since he entered the balcony. “I don’t know, Drake. What do you want me to say? You don’t know what I’m feeling or how I’m doing, because you disappeared and left Tank to pick up the pieces. Of that, you are guilty.”
Clover’s words stung, but Drake wasn’t about to excuse himself. “Why would you want to be around me? Seeing me every day would have reminded you of what happened.”
“Is that what seeing me is like for you?” Clover’s lips turned into a thin line.
Startled, Drake could only stare back at Clover, words stuck in his throat. There was truth in what he said, and the longer silence stretched, the deeper this new idea about Drake’s own behavior took root. Had he been distant not to protect Clover but himself?
“Oh, God,” he whispered, exhaling rapidly.
“What?” Clover snapped, crossing his arms on his chest and standing in front of the only exit.
“You’re right. I… I think you’re right,” Drake said, still shocked that his mind had hidden this from him for so long. It had been easier to rationalize his behavior with the need to protect Clover, but what he’d been really doing hadn’t been so noble. “I was selfish. I left you and Tank to deal with this mess and only thought of how I felt.”
Clover licked his lips. “And I’m guessing that wasn’t even good for you anyway.”
Drake shook his head, deflated yet already burning to make up for his past mistakes. He was such a fool.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, taking hold of Clover’s hand and closing it in both of his. “I know you had to wait, and maybe it’s too late, but I’m here. I’ll listen.”
Clover stalled but didn’t pull away. “I don’t know. What’s done is done. I’m fine.”
Drake stepped closer. “Don’t do that. You just told me to not pull away, so don’t do that yourself.”
“Some days are tougher than others. It’s why I didn’t want to tell Tank for so long. I wanted things to be like before. But now that I opened up about it, it did make me feel better. I think Tank gets it, and he’s not treating me differently. He’s got so much… compassion, you know? He’s such a tough guy, but he does listen. When I trained with you all, I didn’t understand just how violent things might get. Back in that tree, I found it really hard to act even knowing Boar’s life was at stake. I hate that I’ve become such a coward.”
Drake swallowed. He’d known he was leaving Clover in good hands with Tank, because for all his hard exterior, Tank had a big heart, but he still shouldn’t have deserted Clover when he was the only one to know what had happened. “You’re not a coward. When push came to shove, you did what you needed to. You faced several people on your own, with just a few bullets left in your gun. Can you promise me that if you’re having one of those bad days, you’ll tell me?” Drake asked, cupping Clover’s face and stepping that bit closer. His heart galloped when Clover’s pale gaze met his in the dark, and the comfort of not wanting to look away for once splashed warmth all over Drake’s body.
Clover nodded with a sniff. “I hate that he took who wanted to celebrate with that away what we had.” He squeezed Drake’s hand. “Maybe I’m greedy, but I’m not happy without you. For me, you’re the same Drake as before.”
It was as if Clover had pushed his hand into Drake’s chest and petted his heart until it no longer hurt. “I—I’m not happy without you either. I’ve never been happier than when I was with you.”
Clover stroked Drake’s cheek and kissed him. “Forgive yourself. I had to do that too, because I was the one to talk Boar into coming with us. There’s no point in wallowing in it anymore.”