Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 82896 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82896 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
“I’m… I think I’m fine,” he mumbled, but gripped Drake’s hand, unwilling to let him go when he was so close.
Drake’s breath caught when Tank’s gaze stopped on him next.
“What about you? Are you okay?”
Clover tightened his hold on Drake, knowing exactly why Tank was asking. It wasn’t just because he’d heard a terrible comment from Pyro as well. Only hours back, Drake had put a gun to his head, and they were all worried he might do so again. In the fever of following the lead while it was fresh, there hadn’t been time to talk through that elephant in the room, but Drake shrugged off Tank’s care.
“I’m fine.”
Tank spent all too long watching the two of them until he spoke. “I’ll be searching the living room.”
Clover sighed deeply and couldn’t force himself off the floor. He didn’t know what to think about what happened, so he was stuck in limbo of resenting Pyro and finding excuses for him.
Pyro had been twitchy all day, for once off everything that had kept him going in the recent weeks, but his words had still been not only out of line but so hurtful Clover wasn’t even sure where they stood anymore.
“I’ll stay here,” Drake mumbled and opened the closet, revealing a small collection of men’s clothes in the most standard of color palettes.
Tank nodded, and after looking at Clover for confirmation, he left, closing the door behind him.
Clover watched Drake move with unusual stiffness. Despite the horror of what they’d been through, he missed Drake. He wasn’t afraid of him. Drake had never meant to do what he was forced to, and the fact that he blamed himself made Clover’s heart bleed.
“Thanks for coming to my rescue,” he tried to joke, but they both knew there was nothing funny about what had transpired.
Drake’s gaze was dark, and he moved toward the bed, as if he wanted to sit down, only to stop halfway. Maybe he remembered they didn’t want to leave any signs of their visit.
“He’s a junkie who didn’t get to snort his line. He shouldn’t be alone with you until he straightens up his act,” Drake said in the end.
Clover rubbed his eyes when they stung with tears again. “He’s not always like this. I just… I thought he loved me in his own way, but now I’m thinking he doesn’t even like me. I’m so embarrassed.” He thought back to having sex with Pyro just last night. Had Pyro been thinking how much he hated Clover back then, too?
“I’ve known him for years, and he hates everyone when something’s not going his way. I’m sure it’s just grief that’s making him so crazy, even if what he said is inexcusable.” He shook his head and took hold of Clover’s hand. “I know how he feels. He’s in that place where you can only rage and push away everyone, even those who want to help.”
“I miss you,” Clover whispered. “It doesn’t help that you’re not there. I know you and Pyro have issues now too, but you being away all the time only makes us more fractured.”
Drake flinched. “I wasn’t talking about now. You didn’t know me back then,” he said, clearly blind to the size of the abyss that had grown between them in the last four months.
Clover shifted closer without getting up from the floor, and played with Drake’s fingers, which for once stayed in his hand. “What were you like back then?”
Drake’s free hand opened and closed, and his gaze drifted to the window covered by blinds. “That was shortly before I met Tank. There were people around me who were in the same or similar situation. They wanted to offer me their support, but I hurt them instead. I didn’t want to let anybody in.” He took a deep, somewhat wheezing breath. “I think the reason I told Tank the truth instead of carrying out my job and killing him, was to provoke him. I wanted the adrenaline. I didn’t care if he’d killed me.”
The image of Drake holding a gun to his jaw was back in Clover’s mind like a stab wound that wouldn’t stop bleeding. “But… you’re in a different place now, right?”
Drake swallowed. His mouth twitched, but he said nothing, and his silence pushed Clover down a bottomless well.
“I can’t lose you,” Clover said and massaged Drake’s wrist with his thumb. “Is there anything I can do to help? It’s not good for you to disappear the way you do.”
Drake shook his head. “Don’t worry. I won’t do it. In the morning I… panicked,” he said and offered Clover the saddest of smiles. “I’m just not sure how you can still stand me after what happened.”
Clover swallowed. This was what Drake needed—an assertion that Clover wasn’t holding a grudge. “No, Drake, really. I’m not gonna say ‘it’s fine’, but it’s been months, I healed, I know you only did what you had to. You protected me from those two motherfuckers. I was so scared of them, but you killed them.”