Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87368 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87368 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
“Those guys were jealous of my hotness and the fact that the hottest girl could outplay them.”
I scoff. “Hardly. I, too, had a pigeon chest and squid limbs.”
“You were gorgeous. Always have been,” he says breathily, which has my heart pounding in my chest.
I try to breathe through the pounding, not to let it affect me, but it’s all I feel. My vision goes blurry from how hard my heart is slamming into my ribs. My voice is uneven and barely there as I try to hold back my tears. “You should have told me.”
“You could have told me.”
He’s not wrong. “I thought you were just being an overprotective brother type.”
He shakes his head at that, but his eyes are very serious. “Never in my life have I thought of you as a sister, Audrina.”
My chest goes tight as a tear escapes, rolling down my cheek. He looks tortured as he grips the table, like he wants to gather me in his arms to hold in the tears. “I wish things had been different.”
An agitated look comes over him, and I notice how white his knuckles are. “I don’t.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“Hear me out,” he says softly, holding up one hand while his other continues to grip the table. “I feel like I had to lose you to know I was a fucking idiot. I was so used to you being there, always in my corner. I knew, after a bad day, I’d have your smile to be in awe of. I knew if I needed to talk, you were there. At my games, always my plus-one, and you never complained. I held you back. I know I did.”
“Some could say I did the same to you,” I suggest, but he shakes his head.
“No, Audrina. I took you for granted. I kept you where it was safe, and I knew neither of us could get hurt.” I stopped breathing the moment he said my name, and still, I’m unable to move or breathe as he continues. “Losing you showed me that if I wanted you, I had to work for you. I had to find you and convince you I would always cherish you. Not take you for granted. I couldn’t just live with you, claim you in my head, and think things would go the way I wanted. I needed to find you, prove to you I could be the man worthy of you, and then continue to show you that daily.”
I wipe away a lone tear and look down at my wine again as I draw in deep breaths to try to calm my out-of-control heart. “Thatcher,” I whisper, my voice unsteady. “I never felt like I wasn’t important to you. I knew I was. I never got the vibe that you wanted more.”
“As I said, I was scared not only of the rejection, but also of losing my best friend.”
I bite my lip, letting his words wash over me. I’d felt the same. I’d rather have had whatever stagnant relationship we had than have nothing with him at all. “God, this is so messy.”
“It doesn’t need to be,” he insists, claiming my gaze. “I was wrong to get mad at you for Dart, and even more wrong for never truly letting it go.”
I swallow hard. “I shouldn’t have slept with him. I wanted you.”
“You could do what you wanted,” he tells me softly, though I don’t miss the tightness of his jaw. While he knows his words are correct, he doesn’t like them. “I wish you hadn’t, but you weren’t mine.”
“I hurt you, and if I had known that was going to happen, I wouldn’t have done it.”
“I know, but you didn’t know how I felt.” He takes in a deep breath, letting it out of his nose. “I was wrong for everything I said to you in front of everyone. I knew that right off the bat. In my head, I even told myself to stop, but I got so pissed and it was like the old wound of you with Dart had opened again. I could see it all happening again, and I snapped. I truly didn’t mean to hurt you, calling you the things I did, and I am sorry for that.”
When his eyes meet mine, his shoulders drop, and I feel like this is the part where he spills his guts to me. My mouth is dry, while the muscle in my chest throbs in pain and is pounding erratically against my ribs. It feels as if it’s about to explode out of my chest and land on the table before us.
If I had known then what I do now, I don’t think I would have run. I think I would have fought harder, but we were both so hurt from the mistake I’d made when I slept with Dart. Thatcher can say that I had every right to do what I wanted with whomever I wanted, and I know that I did, but we both also know my heart has always been and will forever be his. I thread my fingers through his, all the pain, longing, and fear pulsing between us, just like the living, breathing thing that Ingrid had mentioned.