Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 117363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
They were halfway through when Jeremy’s phone quacked, and Jeremy skimmed his text. “Sounds like Lucas is finally heading home this week,” he reported, and nudged Jean with his foot. “Cody wants to know if they can come up for a day first so Lucas can get a good look at you. He’s a bit worried about having a Raven on the lineup after seeing how his brother turned out, and Cody threatens to riot if anyone else meets you before they do. What do you think?”
“They are my teammates,” Jean said. “I have to meet them.”
Laila considered that. “If Lucas is that anxious, we should hang out somewhere neutral and public, somewhere he thinks Jean has to behave.”
“Beach?” Cat suggested, surveying the board with serious intent before moving her token a few spaces. “You picked up some swim shorts, yeah?”
“Didn’t get that far down the list,” Laila said. “One of you can take him shopping tomorrow. I’m still tired from the last trip.”
“No,” Jean said. “I don’t swim.”
They looked at him, aghast. Jeremy was the first to find his voice with a disbelieving “Don’t or can’t?” When Jean only stared mutely back at him, Jeremy tried again. “The distinction matters—Coach Lisinski puts us in the pool at Lyon twice a week at morning practice, water aerobics and laps and such.”
Jean’s stomach bottomed out. “What?”
Cat nodded enthusiastically. “It’s a fantastic workout.”
The ghost of Riko’s hand on his throat, holding his head still as he poured, was so vivid he expected to hear Riko’s voice at his ear. Jean buried his face in the crook of his elbow and forced a cough, needing to know his lungs still worked.
I am Jean Moreau. I am not a Raven. I am not at Evermore.
It wasn’t enough. He felt flayed, aching like he only did after Riko put him under the knife. Every inch of him was exposed and raw. His thoughts tipped between Riko and Neil, wet cloth and slick bathroom floors and the bite of rope into his arms as he desperately fought back. The urge to tear his throat open just to open a better path to his lungs was so fierce he had to grab his own ankles to stop himself. The chains creaked; the box rattled. If he didn’t get a good breath his chest was going to cave in.
drowning I’m drowning I’m
“Jean?” Jeremy asked. “Hey. You good?”
How could he be? He was a mile out from an Exy court with no gear and three healing ribs. The violence in his memories and fear in his bones had no outlet; he would break under their weight if he couldn’t carve it out of him.
“I want to go for a run,” he said, thinking How can I run with water in my lungs?
Jeremy got to his feet and offered a hand. It felt an eternity before Jean could loosen his death grip enough to reach for him, and Jeremy hauled him to his feet with an ease Jean wasn’t expecting. Jeremy went to put his shoes on while Jean detoured to his room for a looser shirt than the one he had on. Cat and Laila were pressed together in the living room doorway when Jean made it back, but he ignored their unblinking stares in favor of toeing into his sneakers and getting his laces tied.
He and Jeremy ran a lap around campus, then a second that looped down to include the stadiums. The sight of an airplane propped up on the eastern border of Exposition Park startled Jean into slowing down. Jeremy followed his confused stare and started to explain, but Jean wasn’t in the mood for conversation yet. He waved Jeremy off and picked up speed again, and Jeremy silently fell in alongside him.
When they made it back to Vermont and Jefferson they finally slowed to stretch out, and Jeremy took advantage of the break to speak.
“If it’s going to be a problem, we can talk to Coach,” he said.
Jean scrubbed sweat off his face with his sleeve. “It will not be a problem.”
“The five miles we just ran say otherwise.”
“It will not be a problem,” Jean said again. “I will not let it be.”
Jeremy studied him with disquieting intensity. “I want to help you, Jean, but you have to actually let me. I’m not a mind reader, you know?” He waited, like he somehow thought that plea would change Jean’s mind, and sighed when Jean only stared into the distance in sullen silence. Instead of pushing the matter, he offered, “We don’t have to meet at the beach. There are plenty of other places.”
“The beach is fine,” Jean said.
“Sure,” Jeremy said, in a tone that said he was not at all convinced, but he let it drop.
They walked home in silence. Jeremy ceded the first shower to Jean so he could arrange things with Cody. Jean cut the shower on before stripping, but he stood in silence for two minutes as he watched water swirl down the drain.