Total pages in book: 55
Estimated words: 51407 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 257(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 171(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51407 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 257(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 171(@300wpm)
Belladonna smiles a little. “I do, too. Not just for other people, but for myself.” She strokes her hands over my back. “I don’t expect you to believe that—not yet—but it’s the truth. The idea of raising a child here, of their having such an abundance of love in their life because of this community, because they have you as their parent . . . Rusalka, that sounds fucking beautiful?”
I hug her close and let her steady warmth soothe me. “There’s no rush, little one. We have time. Why not enjoy each other for a little while longer? Why not wait until we both feel like it’s the right time for us, rather than for other people?”
She pulls back a little. I don’t like the new distance, but I get it—she obviously wants to read my expression. “You’d want children with me even if it wouldn’t benefit the territory?”
“Yes.” It’s the truth. “I’m not sad that our children will create a more prosperous territory, but that’s not why I want them.”
“Then . . . I suppose it wouldn’t hurt us to wait.” She looks away and then back at me. “But I don’t like how that fight went. We’re going to fight—I don’t think there’s a way to avoid it—but . . .” She gulps down a breath. “Please don’t walk away in the middle again, at least not without plans to resume the conversation if you need time to calm down. I can’t handle that, Rusalka. It hurt.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “It won’t happen again.” I had only thought to spare her my messy emotions, which was a bit selfish in hindsight. Isn’t that always the way? We’re all just doing our best, and sometimes we bruise the ones we most care about in the process. “I’ll do better.”
“We both will.” She takes my hand and turns us back toward the stairs. “But, even if we’re not going to have a baby soon, maybe we could . . . practice?”
I flush hot and then hotter. “Practice.”
“I know we’re choosing not to utilize a key component of the whole baby-making process, but I think that may make it more fun?” A blush takes up residence in her cheeks, and that only makes me need her more.s
I pick up my pace. “Yes. Practice sounds perfect.”
EPILOGUE
BELLADONNA
“Are you sure?”
I smile at Rusalka, because it’s the same question they’ve asked me a dozen times leading up to tonight. It doesn’t matter that we’ve been together two full years now, or that we both knew this day would come. They still want me to be sure and safe in this decision. “I’m sure.”
They eye the door we’re about to walk through almost nervously. “If at any point you change your mind—”
“Rusalka.” I wait for her to turn to face me fully and take her hands. “I want this for our people, yes, but I want this for us. You and me.” I won’t pretend that it’s been the easiest path to get here. The insidious nature of my internal whispers still strike at the most unexpected times. It hurts. I don’t think it will ever stop hurting entirely. But I have ways to deal with that pain now. I talk to Rusalka. I garden. I spend time with our people. There’s even a therapist of sorts—a soul-healer, Rusalka calls nem—that I’ve been seeing. Jacquiel is good at asking questions and giving me ways to fight through to the other side. I like nem a lot—even when I hate nem.
All of this has brought us here, to this moment, to this party.
“Are you ready?” I squeeze her hands. “I know we’ve talked about this, but if you’ve changed your mind, I can keep the birth control pendant on and it can be a normal party like we’ve done in the past.”
She takes a deep breath and pulls me into her arms to hug me close. “No, that’s not it at all. I want this, too. You know how much. If you’re sure, then I’m sure.”
“I’m sure.” It’s the truth. Every day of the last two years has been filled with the kind of safety I barely dared dream about back in the human realm. There have been learning curves and Rusalka and I argue on a semi regular basis about various things, but those arguments have solutions and can be talked through. No one is leveraging threats of burning in an everlasting hell if I don’t act according to rules I don’t believe in.
“Then let’s go.” They push open the door and hold it for me to step into the room. It’s the same one all the parties are held in, big and luxurious and filled with a variety of furniture to lounge on…or play on.
Zhenya sees us first and bounds over, only a sheer robe covering zir body. “You’re here.” Ze kisses me lightly on the lips and then does the same to Rusalka. “Let’s have some fun!”