Total pages in book: 190
Estimated words: 181992 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 910(@200wpm)___ 728(@250wpm)___ 607(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 181992 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 910(@200wpm)___ 728(@250wpm)___ 607(@300wpm)
His jaw minutely tightened. “You and I have that in common, don’t we? We both had something good once. We both lost it. And we’ve both failed in our attempts to find it again.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You don’t think you ever will, do you?”
“No. Do you?”
Swallowing, I briefly looked away. “I used to think I might.” But even with Sabrina’s assurances, I didn’t feel hopeful.
“My exes like to claim I’m incapable of love. It isn’t true. But the fact is I’ve only ever loved one woman. I’ve cared for others, but that was as far as it went. I don’t foresee that changing.”
Or he didn’t want to feel so deeply for another again. If so, I could understand it. The pain that accompanied that kind of loss could make some people determined to never experience it again, even if it meant forever being alone.
I might be wrong in thinking it applied to Dax, though. As I recalled, he’d always held himself apart from others, even before Gracie.
Whatever the case, it was evident that entering into a marital life that was essentially a formal agreement appealed to him greatly. I suspected it was partly because there would be no pressure for him to feel the emotions that kept a typical marriage alive—something he didn’t believe he was capable of doing.
“Wouldn’t you at least want to care for the person you’re tying yourself to?” I asked. “Wouldn’t you rather they mattered to you on at least some level?”
His gaze flitted over my face, hyper-focused. “You have … value to me. Not many people outside my inner circle do.”
“That’s nice and all, but do you really think you could tie your life to that of someone you’ll only ever ‘value?’ Do you honestly believe you wouldn’t eventually come to resent that your marriage has about as much emotional importance to you as a toaster?”
Humor flashed in his eyes. “A toaster?”
“You know what I’m getting at. To you, this will be no different than a corporate agreement.” I cocked my head. “Be real with me, Dax, do you even care who you marry? Because I’m getting the sense that you don’t; that it makes no difference to you, since you don’t envision yourself becoming emotionally invested.”
His brows met. “I would never be indifferent toward something as serious as my choice of wife—a person I would have to commit to, live with, raise children with. Pact or not, I wouldn’t have made this proposition to you if I didn’t believe a marriage between us would work.”
“How can you be so sure it would?”
“Because we’d refuse to allow anything else. We’re both determined people who throw ourselves behind whatever we do and take our commitments very seriously. If we walk into this intent on ensuring it stays strong, that’s exactly what will happen.”
It was really starting to get annoying that he had an answer for freaking everything. I carved my fingers into my hair and held it in place at the back of my head. “Look, I understand why an arranged marriage would appeal to you—”
“It appeals to you, too,” he maintained, his eyes boring into mine; daring me to contradict him. “You would have walked out of here by now if it didn’t.”
“There’s some appeal in it, yes. But …” I trailed off, releasing my hair with a sigh.
“The problem here is you feel that you should brand it a crazy idea. You feel that you should reject it merely because arranged marriages aren’t common. But why does that have to matter?”
Truthfully, I guessed it didn’t. I’d organized weddings for couples who weren’t in love. They were still positive about their future; still happy to be moving forward with their lives; still determined to take their vows seriously. I’d respected them for it. There had been times I’d come across them years later happily walking hand in hand or pushing strollers.
“Who gives a fuck what other people typically do, Addison? Only you know what’s right for you. Only you know if searching for some supposedly all-important emotion is to you really worth putting the things you want from life on hold.”
I should really gag him or something. He was making too much sense, and I wasn’t sure I wanted him to. “If we did this—and that isn’t a yes, I’m just curious—when would you want to get married?”
“As soon as possible. I see no reason to wait. And if we were to set a date far off in the future, you’d spend the time in between second-guessing yourself.”
Oh, so true.
“I’m sure, given your experience with organizing weddings, you could arrange for ours to happen quickly.” It wasn’t a query; it was a confident statement.
I studied his face. “This is really, truly, honestly what you want?”
“Yes. It was your idea, remember?”
“I suggested we make the pact, but I didn’t actually think we’d need to go through with it. Admit it, you didn’t think it would come to this either.”