Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 100277 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 501(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100277 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 501(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
Rafe saw them, sighed, and leaned his forehead against mine. “I don’t want to be a couple who hurt each other like that.”
My tears fell faster and I held on to his arms. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act like a jealous ass.”
“I can see how it might have seemed to you, but Star, I’ve been cheated on and you have to know that I would never do that to you.”
“I never used to be like this,” I whispered. “I’m sorry about what I said. I don’t have numbers in my phone.” I repeated, “I never used to be like this.”
Rafe tensed and then pleaded, “Baby, talk to me.”
I wanted to. I wanted to tell him about Cartoon Star and that sensation of floating away. But I was so scared if I did, I would lose him.
Rafe’s emergency cell buzzed from his back pocket, saving me from having to answer. Frustration darkened his face as he yanked it out to answer it. He shot me a look of apology as he talked to a patient’s frantic owner.
I fixed my clothes as Rafe wandered out of the bathroom. When I came out, he was hanging up the phone.
“I have to go into the clinic.”
“Okay.”
“Will you stay here? I shouldn’t be too long.”
I was afraid if I stayed, he’d ask me to tell him what was wrong again. So . . . I lied and told him I’d promised to meet Roger on Staten Island the next morning, and I wanted to spend the night at my own apartment. He put me in a cab a few minutes later, but I knew as he’d kissed me goodbye that I’d disappointed him by leaving on a night I should have stayed. Should have waited for him to return to me.
I should have lain in his arms to reassure us both.
Chapter Thirty
To make my lie the truth, I called Roger the next morning, hoping he’d be around for a much overdue catch-up.
But it wasn’t Roger who picked up his cell. It was Kendall.
“Oh, hey, how are you?” I was happy to hear her voice.
Kendall, apparently, wasn’t happy to hear mine. “Roger would never say this because Roger is too nice for his own good, but he’s in the shower, so I’m going to say you calling right now is fate and a chance for me to say my piece.”
My pulse leaped. “Kend—”
“You are not who I thought you were. The first serious guy you bring into your life, you drop your friends who have been like family to you. I’m hurt and Jude’s pissed, but mostly I’m angry on Roger’s behalf because he’d do anything for you. You’re like his little sister.”
Emotion clogged my throat. “I love him. I love you guys. I’ve—”
“You’ve just abandoned us because we don’t fit in with your conservative new family, right? Or the fancy Upper West Side job and apartment. I mean . . . who the hell are you anymore, Star? I never thought I’d see the day when you compromised who you are, the people you apparently love, for some fucking guy. So until you can pull your head out of your ass, don’t call us anymore.”
Tears dripped down my cheeks. “What happened to loving someone, no matter who they decide to be?”
“If you had included us in this, it would be different. But you’ve clearly decided we don’t fit. But I wonder, Star . . . do you fit? With him, with them? Are you even happy?”
At my silence, Kendall sighed wearily. “I miss my friend. If she comes back, I’ll be here. We’ll be here.”
Then she hung up on me.
I fell to my side on my bed, curled up into a ball, and bawled like a baby. The last time I’d felt this alone, so untethered, I was still a kid, living with Arlo and Dawn.
* * *
• • •
Are you dropping by tonight after work?
I stared at the text from Rafe. After my disastrous call with Kendall, I didn’t feel like seeing anyone. I texted Rafe to tell him I was staying at my apartment for the next few nights and he’d tried to call. But I didn’t answer. I just texted him and lied, told him I couldn’t talk because I was with Kendall.
He called the next day and I didn’t answer.
Monday at work I’d answered his call, but only because I knew I could use work to get out of it quickly. I made up an excuse about having a client on Staten Island to meet the next day, so it just made sense that I stayed at my apartment again. Telling him I had a call coming in, I hung up before he could object.
Now it was Tuesday, and I was scrambling for more excuses to avoid him for a while.