Total pages in book: 177
Estimated words: 163209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 816(@200wpm)___ 653(@250wpm)___ 544(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 163209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 816(@200wpm)___ 653(@250wpm)___ 544(@300wpm)
Jeremy turned an anxious look on Jean, guilt stricken over how delayed his sympathy was. “I’m so sorry,” he said. Jean had come to Los Angeles with a single carryon and two shirts to his name. It’d taken him months to finally fill in the space Cat and Laila gave him, and he’d only recently started adding quiet personal touches to his areas. Jeremy thought of his postcard from Kevin, the wristband from July’s fireworks, and the sand dollar he’d picked up along the way. It made him ill, and his voice caught on his pained, “Jean, I—”
“The ERC announced it,” Jean said, voice dull and stare distant. He clarified a moment later with, “Their decision to eliminate the Ravens. I saw the segment during break.” Before he rejoined the team, Jeremy guessed, but he wasn’t sure where Jean was going with this. Jean didn’t make him ask but said, “This is my fault.”
“Don’t say that.” Jeremy caught Jean’s wrist when Jean didn’t look at him and insisted, “You had nothing to do with this.”
“Feigning ignorance serves no one,” Jean said, with a sharp bite to his words. “When the Ravens are insulted, their devotees lash out on their behalf. You saw it last year with Neil and the Foxes, and the year before when Kevin left. Do not pretend you do not know what is happening here. The Ravens have been ruined, and someone must take the blame. I will always—” Jean couldn’t finish it. His teeth clicked as he clenched his jaw tight.
Xavier had listed examples of Raven riots for Telsey just a few hours ago. Arson on campus, he’d said, and Jeremy was cold all over. He wouldn’t deny that Laila’s house was deliberately targeted, but he refused to let Jean suffocate under that weight. He tightened his grip and said, “Look at me. Look at me, Jean, because I need to know you’re listening.” He waited until Jean met his gaze before saying, “If this was retaliatory, that’s still on the people who chose to cross the line. It is not your fault. It never will be.”
“You don’t believe that.”
“Maybe they did it to hurt you,” Jeremy allowed, “but that doesn’t mean you’re responsible. You had nothing to do with the ERC’s ruling. You’re a victim as much as Cat and Laila are, so don’t take on a burden that isn’t yours. It won’t help any of you. Do you understand?”
“Sometimes Jeremy is smarter than he looks,” Xavier said where he was leaning against their seatback. “Listen to him, Jean, and don’t go down that road.”
“It’s an unhelpful spiral,” Min added. “They adore you and so will gladly reassure you of your innocence until you believe them, but your unasked-for guilt is a distraction from their loss and grief. They don’t deserve that extra stress right now.”
Xavier nodded. “The best thing you can do right now is accept that some people are assholes and that it is outside of your control. Mourn what you’ve lost without carrying more than you should.”
Framing it as a shared burden on Cat and Laila was probably the most effective part of their argument. A frown tugged at the corner of Jean’s mouth as he thought it through, but it never fully formed, and at last Jean glanced past Jeremy at Cat. Cody had moved into Laila’s open seat, but Cat was on her phone now as she spoke in an agitated blend of Spanish and English. Laila had gone quiet a few rows up, but she was sending out quick texts as she paced back and forth in the aisle. The back of the bus was still eerily quiet. No one knew what to say, and they all knew better than to crowd Laila’s space when she was in a mood.
Jeremy did a quick mental tally of what few things of his might have gotten lost. His backpack was in his car at the stadium, so he at least didn’t have to replace his textbooks for the semester. His LSAT books were a happy loss, and he’d only had a dozen-odd outfits tucked away in Jean’s closet.
He was going room by room when Jean said, “I am sorry about your dog.”
A bit of cardboard was a silly thing to grieve when these three had lost everything, but the reminder put a sharp twist in his chest. Barkbark was one of Cat’s first gifts to him, an attempt to get closer when she realized his and Laila’s friendship was a package deal. Jeremy knew he wasn’t a real dog, but... Jeremy rubbed at the ache and said, “Are you? I thought you hated him.” He meant it to come out a lighthearted tease, but it fell a little flat. The sideways look Jean sent him said he heard it.
“You didn’t,” Jean said, like that was all that mattered.