Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 131209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 437(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 437(@300wpm)
I sat at the edge of the bed. “What are we doing, Devon? I mean… are we playing house? What? What is this?”
“I don’t know,” he honestly spoke.
“We’re just getting closer and more attached to each other the longer we keep this up.”
He shrugged. “And what’s wrong with that?”
“I’m not leaving VIP, Devon,” I finally shared. “You know that, right? I’m not leaving.”
“Why? I don’t understand… why?” he argued, getting upset.
“Because it’s my home. I am VIP. I don’t want to leave; it’s who I am.”
“Oh yeah?” he countered. “Then who are you when you’re with me? Huh? Who’s this girl?”
I scratched my head annoyed and confused. “I don’t know. I don’t know who the hell she is.”
“I know who she is. She’s Brooke, she’s my Bambi, and she’s my girl. That’s who she is.”
“Jesus Christ, what did I do?” I stated as a question, rubbing my forehead back and forth.
“You act like being with me is such a bad fucking thing! Like you’re breaking some goddamn rule or something. It makes no fucking sense,” he roared.
“I’m not doing this, I don’t want to argue with you.”
“Then what, Brooke… what the fuck do you want to do? Please enlighten me because I have no clue. I know you want to be with me. I want to be with you, too.”
“Devon, you will never be okay with me being with other men and women, that’s not who you are.”
“I’m okay with it now.”
“Because we haven’t made any promises to each other. We aren’t together, Devon, we’re like a fucked up version of friends with benefits, except we’ve involved feelings and shit. And now we’re stuck.”
“What do you want, Brooke?”
“I want it all.”
He shook his head, disgusted. “Seems like you’re more like your father than you thought,” he viscously spewed, regretting his words instantly from the look on his face.
“Get the fuck out!” I reacted.
“Bambi, I didn’t—”
“Get out, Devon, I’m not fucking around; get the hell out! Now!”
“Jesus, calm down. I’m sorry, you know I didn’t mean it.”
“Get out! Get out!” I screamed bloody murder.
He got off the bed and grabbed his pants, putting them on. “You know what? This is just your fucking excuse to mess up a good thing. That’s all you do. It’s like you don’t want to be happy, and you find every goddamn excuse in the book to push people away. I’m not your damn punching bag. You want me gone, you don’t have to ask me twice.”
He grabbed his shirt and walked out of my bedroom.
I threw the vase of roses that I had rescued from the garbage can behind him, and they shattered against the wall.
I heard my front door slam, and I closed my eyes falling back onto the bed. I didn’t sleep all night; his smell was all around me. I woke up the next morning and washed my sheets, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good. He had already engrained himself into my life. He was deep under my skin and in my heart, like a permanent tattoo that couldn’t be removed.
I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it did.
Except, I was the one that dropped it.
<>D<>
The weeks flew by and it was Christmas Eve. I hadn’t spoken to Brooke since Thanksgiving… I would be lying if I thought she wouldn't call me or look for me. But I was wrong. She hadn't so much as texted me; I hadn’t either. I was tired of being the one that went to her. I couldn't do it anymore, as hard as it was for me to walk out of her life.
I did.
I threw myself back into work and spent time with my family. All of them worried about me, but no one asked what happened. They just knew. I spent the evening with my son and family, and tried my best to enjoy the holiday. However, all I could think about was her…
That’s it.
The nightmares came back and I was barely sleeping. I was mentally and emotionally drained and exhausted. I wanted so desperately to go to her, but my pride wouldn’t let me. A big of part of me was terrified that I would find her with another person. That I would find that she was happy; like I had never come into her life to begin with. I couldn’t bring myself to endure that kind of pain or heartache. So I stayed as I was.
Ethan was falling asleep a little before midnight, so I decided to take him home. I promised my family I would be back early the next morning to open gifts. He fell asleep in the car and I laid him in his room, tucking him in and closing the door behind me. I went to my liquor cabinet and poured myself a whiskey neat and again I thought of her.