Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 131209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 437(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 437(@300wpm)
She took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure. “What I’m trying to say is that… I was going to call you, or maybe just show up at your office naked.”
I busted out laughing.
“I mean that seemed to work before,” she grinned, beaming. “I’m only being half serious. I missed you. Fuck… Devon, I don’t think I ever stopped missing you. I’m not the same person I used to be. I’ve changed a lot.”
I pointed to her outfit. “I can tell.”
“I’m being serious. I’m Madam, I mean… I’m still Brooke, but I’ve taken over.”
“I know.”
She lowered her eyebrows.
“Ysabelle.”
She nodded, understanding.
“Listen… about that… she and I—”
“I know,” she interrupted. “I know everything. I’m not going to lie to you, and say that it didn’t hurt me, and that it still doesn’t… but I understand. You were both in a bad place, and we rely on those we love for comfort sometimes. Shit happens. It’s in the past. I don’t want to rehash something we can’t change.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for it all. Every last bit of it,” I honestly replied. “I fucked up.”
“I know, we both did, but you broke my heart, Devon, I mean shattered it. I never thought I would be capable of falling in love with you, and now I don’t think I’m capable of falling out of love with you. A part of me hates you for it. I hate you for making me feel like I can’t breathe. I wake up every morning and I look at my phone, I go to sleep with it clutched in my hand, hoping that I will hear a text message while I sleep. Every day that goes by, and I don’t hear from you… it becomes easier to breathe. I don’t want it to become easier. I don’t want to say goodbye to you. To us.” Her eyes watered. “I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
My eyes widened, shocked.
“We haven’t seen each other—”
“Yeah… I know. I haven’t been with anyone since that night. A little less than a year ago.”
“I don’t… Jesus… Brooke what I did to you? Was it the bathroom? Did that? Did I? I mean did I hurt you that badly?” I could hear the desperation in my voice.
She shook her head. “Oh God, no! That’s not why. Not even close. You saved me, Devon, that night… it was... I needed that,” she nervously laughed. “I know that sounds crazy, but I did. And after, I didn’t want another man’s hands on me. I didn’t want to get rid of your feel, your smell. You.”
“Brooke…”
“No. Please. Let me finish, I’ll lose the courage to say what I need to say. I want to thank you; I want to thank you because you healed me. You helped me move forward with my family, my parents, and my life in general. I was stuck in this standstill, where I couldn’t move forward, I couldn’t change the past; I was stuck and barely afloat. I drowned myself in VIP, in men, in alcohol and drugs. I had this ‘go fuck yourself’ attitude, where I wasn’t hurting anyone, but myself. You came into my life for a reason. I know that now and I knew that then, I was too blind with fury and hatred to realize it.”
I couldn’t believe what she was sharing with me.
“I love you, Devon. I’ve always loved you, and I know I will always love you. I’m sorry for everything I put you through. For everything I did and said. I hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope that we can be friends. I wish that we could be a lot more, but… I understand if you don’t want that anymore. I don’t blame you. I’ll take anything you have to offer. A friendship…”
We stood there staring at one another for, I didn’t know how long. Time just sort of stood still, which always happened when we were around each other. The world kept moving around us.
“Please… say something,” she whispered loud enough for me to hear.
I said the only thing I knew to be true.
“I don’t want to be your friend, Brooke.”
<>B<>
I bit my cheek and nodded. I wanted to throw myself onto the floor like a four-year-old, and have the biggest temper tantrum. I knew that wouldn’t fix anything.
“Okay…” I murmured, holding back the tears. “I understand. I’m sorry. Take care of yourself, okay?”
I didn’t give him time to answer. I turned immediately, wanting to run, wanting to hide.
I wouldn’t do either.
Not anymore.
“Bambi,” he hollered, stopping me dead in my tracks.
“I don’t want to be friends. I can’t go back to that. I hated being friends to begin with. I should have made that clear from the start, from the moment I had you in my arms. I should have told you what I wanted, what I expected, what I needed,” he said emphasizing every word.