Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 131209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 437(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 437(@300wpm)
There was a note on the island. I clutched onto it.
Madam knows best. Always. Get some rest; you’re going to need it. Your new phone will be delivered late this morning. You look like shit….
Fix that.
Madam
I sat on the couch with the note still in my hand. I looked around my condo. The drywall had been fixed, and there was no longer a gaping hole in the wall.
My place felt empty without Devon. My sanctuary was no longer mine…
It felt like a home.
With Devon.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
<>D<>
I sat at the front door with a half a bottle of whiskey clutched in my grasp. The door opened and I swiftly fell back onto the ground.
“Hey, Mom,” I greeted, half-laughing.
“Jesus Christ, Devon, what are you doing? Have you been drinking?” she asked, lifting me up off the floor.
I pulled away from her. “Yes, I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine. What the hell is going on?” she asked, following me into the living room.
I glared at the room where I killed him; standing in the same spot I watched him take his last breath.
“Why?” I said out loud, not taking my eyes off the spot where his lifeless body laid.
“Devon—”
“Why, Mom? You owe me that. I need to know why.”
“Why what, Devon?”
I sat down on the couch, still gawking and picturing his lifeless body before me. “You know.”
“No, honey, I don’t. You see there are too many questions and answers that run through my mind. Every day.”
“Why didn’t you ever leave him?”
She sighed and rounded the corner, crouching herself in front of me. “Devon, look at me,” she ordered.
My neutral, dead stare turned to hers.
“Oh my God, what happened?”
I shrugged. “I lost control. I hurt her. Like I hurt him. Like he hurt you.”
She anxiously shook her head. “No… Devon. You couldn’t hurt anyone.”
“Tell that to the grave where we buried his body.”
She placed her hand over her mouth, shocked. “Listen. To. Me,” she demanded, leaning over and pulling me onto the ground with her. I went effortlessly.
“Devon, you saved us. You saved our lives. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was me; I did. Every time I stayed. Every time I made an excuse for him. Every bruise and scar you have on your body, is because of me. Yes, he inflicted it, but I didn’t walk away, Devon. I didn’t take care of you like I should have, and I will forever have to pay for that. You didn’t do anything. Do you understand me?”
“That’s not how I remember it,” I interjected, taking a swig from the bottle. She pulled it from my grasp, and the liquor fell down my mouth.
“He was different that night. I know it like I know my name. He was going to kill us, Devon, after he finished with me; he was going directly to you and then your sisters. You saved us; do you hear me? Please tell me you understand.”
“Then why did we have to cover it up, Mom? Why did we have to pretend like someone broke in? Hmmm? Makes no sense when you put it that way, does it?” I stated, cocking my head to the side.
“Devon, do you for one second think that his partner would have helped us, if he thought you would get away with it? No. He knew. The second I called him he knew. He rushed over here and he helped us. You know what he said to me? He said he was sorry, honey. He apologized to me over and over again, because he knew… but didn’t do anything about it. That’s why he helped us.” She grabbed the sides of my face.
“I’m so sorry, honey, I love you so much, and I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough for you. You didn’t get to have a life because of me. I ruined it for you. But you saved us. You remember that… you saved all of our lives. God knows that. I know that. Your sisters know that.” She kissed all over my face.
“I love you so much. I will never forgive myself for what I put you through; it’s my punishment. I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. You didn’t do anything, but protect us. Exactly how you always have.”
I nodded, sniffling. My body fell forward and I hugged around her waist, clutching onto her, trying to find my bearings.
I sobbed.
“Shhh… it’s okay, baby,” she murmured, rubbing at my back. “It’s okay. You’re not anything like him. You’re my good boy and even better man. I’m so proud of you, Devon, so proud.”
I bawled for hours, and she held onto me so tightly.
And for once I didn’t feel like the man I was always supposed to become.
I felt like the boy that I was never allowed to be…
<>B<>
A few weeks later I groggily answered my phone, “Hello?” I glanced at the time—four thirty in the morning.