Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 97337 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97337 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
I’ll admit that the excitement I felt was hard to dismiss. So much so that I’ve already started weaving dreams in my head. Is this my first real crush or is it something more?
Whatever the case, there was no way I could deny or ignore the feelings I now have. I’ve never looked forward to anything the way I now look forward to the afterschool class where I would see him again.
There is so much that can go wrong and I’ve gone over it all over and over again in my head. But even knowing this, the prospect of where this could lead seems too enticing to ignore, even for someone as level headed as I am. After spending my whole life toeing the line, I can’t believe that I’m willing to take such a risk.
But after years of never giving much thought to romantic entanglements, always the proverbial loner, I suddenly find myself on the cusp of something too exciting to walk away from.
It’s the way I feel when I’m with him that has me hooked. There’s a kind of addictiveness to it, almost like I get some sort of high from being in his presence.
Like the first time you try something new and amazing and suddenly you can’t get enough of it. I know my inexperience is to blame, but somehow I don’t imagine that I would’ve felt this way with anyone else but him.
I certainly haven’t felt any of this with any of the others in the class, not even close. With everyone else it was just business as usual. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the young man who’s been lauded for everything else should be perfect at this as well.
He’s not coarse the way I’d expect someone in his position to be. And except for that night by the water he’s never once mentioned taking me to bed. He’s way smoother than that. And maybe had he been that way it would’ve been easier for me to shoot him down.
Now I’m the one who’s obsessed with the idea of us. The one who can’t help daydreaming about what it would be like to let things go where they seem to be headed without putting up any road blocks.
I keep thinking of the fallout though, going so far as to imagine the headlines if anyone should get wind of our budding relationship, and just the thought of it makes my face burn and my chest hurt. Would people believe I’d gone after him because of his money?
In this day and age when everyone seems so predatory it wouldn’t be a stretch. But the truth is, I never give much thought to his wealth or anything else that others might find enticing when I’m with him.
Just the way he makes my heart beat when he’s near, and even more, the way it seems like he’s looking after me makes me feel desirable. And to have someone like him be that way with me is almost too much to resist.
I’ve never had that before, never had a man be that protective of me, never felt desired, cherished or wanted in the same way. So it was becoming easier as the days go by to overlook whatever distress I may suffer somewhere down the line just to enjoy these few moments of pleasure.
I convinced myself as I laid there that just this once it was okay to fulfill my heart’s desire. That I could reach out and grab whatever happiness I could glean from our little liaison. I didn’t kid myself that it could be anything more than that though, even though the thought took some of the shine away from my joy.
I warned myself not to be greedy, not to expect more than he was willing to offer. But I was still not sure if I could live with that, if I had it in me to just have a casual affair with him and then watch him walk away when it was over.
But I’m sensible enough to know that there are no guarantees when it comes to relationships, that if I go forward with this, then I have to take responsibility for the heartache that may follow.
I finally got myself out of bed and got ready for the day, taking special care with my clothes and makeup. I wasn’t feeling brave enough to ditch the glasses though and wondered as I stepped out of the little cottage if I ever will.
Excitement grew as the work day drew to a close because I knew that although we didn’t have class this evening I was still going to see him from my now usual place in the shadows where I’ve been watching him practice of late.
DRAKE
I felt her as soon as she showed up at her spot beside the bleachers. I tried not to be too obvious when I turned in her direction to let her know that I knew she was here. I registered the feeling that came over me at her presence and tucked it away for later.