Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 96178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
“Huh?” he repeated. “That’s it?”
“It’s smaller than I expected.”
“Some will say that it’s not the size that matters, but what you do with it.”
Ren slid her eyes to him, frowning. “I think you’re making a dirty joke.”
He laughed. “I might be.”
Taking a deep breath, she redirected. “Seeing this gives me mixed feelings, though. This land was stolen from the Lakota.” She gazed up at it. “I feel sort of guilty being excited to see it.”
“I know,” he said, and gently bumped his shoulder against hers. “But the way to handle problematic things isn’t to just pretend they aren’t there. It’s good to see it and feel this way. Also, you can still be impressed with the artistry. Both things can be true.”
This time Ren nudged his shoulder with hers. She liked the contact a little too much, but pushed the thought away. “That sounds very wise for someone who pretends to not care about anything.”
He laughed. “I’m not pretending.”
“Yes, you are,” she said. “You care a lot.”
When he looked over at her, Ren turned her eyes back up to the monument, unwilling to show how much it meant to her that he did.
CHAPTER TWENTY
FITZ
Morning found Fitz staring at the ceiling. He was eating into his schedule for these detours with Ren, but for the life of him he couldn’t remember why he’d been in a hurry in the first place. His interview at the law firm wasn’t until the following Thursday. Even a couple days with Mary would be plenty; he just needed to get eyes on her and make sure she was as fine as she sounded on the phone. Fitz knew most of his urgency was a driving need to get as far away from Spokane as possible, but being with Ren and seeing her experience so many things for the first time made him want to be leisurely for once. When had he ever slowed down enough to just…enjoy something?
Never.
Not that he should be enjoying her, he reminded himself as they woke and moved easily around each other in their morning routines. It was a miracle they made it through dinner and bedtime the night before without Fitz crumbling under the weight of his attraction and kissing her. He fell asleep to the sound of her soft, even breaths and the knowledge that she was only a few feet away, curled on her side, warm and soft. And he woke to the awareness that he’d never slept as soundly as he did when she was nearby.
It was a realization that was, frankly, terrifying. It made Fitz feel vulnerable: an animal on its back, belly exposed. He realized as she sat cross-legged on her bed, brushing out her hair and causing longing to spiral through him like a wild vine, that it wasn’t only that he didn’t have time for fondness. He didn’t like the powerlessness of it. Didn’t like the feeling that he was just handing over keys to a castle he had protected for so long. He imagined the pages of a calendar flying away, tried to relish the thought of a time next week when he wouldn’t be so close to her all the time, sent a steel door slamming shut on whatever these feelings were.
But once they were back on the road with the windows down, fresh air flowing inside, all he could smell was the honeyed sweetness of her hair. He lifted his to-go coffee and brought it to his lips, needing distraction. Luckily, the once-scalding drink was finally cool enough to sip.
But the moment his senses cleared, her cheerful voice filled the car: “How many miles are we driving today?”
“About seven hundred.” He set the cup back in the cupholder. “We’re aiming for Kansas City.”
Ren clapped. “Kansas City! That sounds amazing.”
“You’ve really never done anything if Kansas City gets that reaction.” He glanced in amusement over at her excitement as she gazed out the window. “If you could have gone anywhere growing up, where would it be?”
She hummed, thinking. “You know what’s weird? You don’t know what you’re missing until you see it,” she said. “I knew there were things to see out there, but I didn’t think anything could possibly be more beautiful than our land. So, actually…I don’t know where I’d have wanted to go. The idea is almost overwhelming. I have so much to catch up on.” She fidgeted with the rubber seal around her open window. “I wonder if going to school and on this trip with you has ruined me.”
“Ruined you?”
She laughed self-consciously. “I mean whether I’ll ever be happy just living on the homestead again.”
He hated how much hope he felt hearing her say that. For as much as Fitz had avoided thinking about it, he didn’t like the idea of Ren disappearing from the world again at some point. “Don’t you plan to go back eventually?”