Total pages in book: 30
Estimated words: 27923 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 140(@200wpm)___ 112(@250wpm)___ 93(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 27923 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 140(@200wpm)___ 112(@250wpm)___ 93(@300wpm)
I have to give Lars credit. The man has never looked at any woman other than Billie. I’m standing here in my bra and short shorts, and Lars hasn’t looked at me once.
“I missed one show,” I huff, pulling a Gutless Void sweater over my head. It’s snug and emphasizes my double D breasts, but at least it covers my skin.
Lars gazes out the tinted bus windows, his brows knit. “You’ve never missed a show, Kaye. What’s going on?”
I open the fridge and take out a beer. “If you must know, I wasn’t feeling well.”
“Bullshit. You get on that stage even when you’re on the brink of death.”
My eyes flutter closed as I inhale deeply. I want to lash out at Lars before breaking down in tears. I love the members of Gutless Void. They’ve become my family. For a girl like me, who grew up believing no one cared, having the guys and Billie in my life has healed the broken pieces of the person I once was. How can I explain that I don’t want to expose an old wound without telling Lars why?
“Hey,” Lars whispers.
I flinch as he touches my arm and scramble out of his grasp.
Lars straightens, his eyes forming slits. “Kaye, what’s up? I’ve never seen you like this. You’ve been a stone-cold bitch for as long as I’ve known you.”
Lars doesn’t wait for an answer. He turns his back to me and starts opening and slamming the cupboards on the bus. He frantically shoves his hands between the seat cushions, searching for something unseen.
“What are you doing?”
He doesn’t answer my question, storming past me to the bedroom at the back of the bus and opening drawers. “Where are the drugs, Kaye?”
“What?” I shout. “What drugs? I don’t even smoke weed.” I lift the pack of cigarettes from the table and wave it in Lars’ face. “Unless you count these. I quit, but working for you is stressful, and I picked up the habit again.”
Lars shoves his hand through his hair in frustration, mussing the dark strands. “You’re acting so fuckin’ out of character. If it’s not drugs, what the fuck is it?”
“I don’t feel well, okay? Can’t a girl be sick once in a while?”
“Kaye, nothing stops you from working. You could die, and your spirit would still show up. So cut the crap and tell me what’s up.”
I turn my back on him and hide in the small bathroom. Sitting on the toilet, I drop my head into my hands and let the tears I’ve been holding back fall.
I don’t understand why I can’t pull myself together. Why can’t I realize the past is the past and I’m not the same girl I once was? My strength has forged this career and made me a force to reckon with, but right now, all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep. I have no desire to get dressed, eat, or even argue with the four men who’ve become like brothers.
A soft tap sounds at the door. “Kaye?”
I ignore Lars’ pleading voice, hoping he’ll tire himself out and leave.
“I’m not leaving, so you may as well talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say, Lars? That the only person who can make me crumble is the person I’ll now be forced to look at for months?”
“Who is it?” Lars demands. “I’ll make sure they’re fired.”
A small laugh escapes my lips, but I’m unsure if it’s laced with humor or ironic sadness. “You can’t fire the lead singer of your opening band.”
“Fuck.” He pauses. “No, but I can sure as fuck make her life a living hell so she’ll quit.”
I slide the small door open and peer out. “You will do no such thing. You’ll act professionally and make sure this tour is a success.”
Rising from the toilet, I glance in the mirror and rub my tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes.
“I don’t give a fuck about the tour if you’re gonna look like this.” Lars steps behind me and places his hands on my shoulders. “I had next to no family growing up. It was my mom, dad, and me. And, well, you know what happened there. When I found Billie and Cain, it was the first time I felt like I had a home. I was happy with what I had, but then you and the other guys in the band came along.” Lars huffs and gazes at the ceiling before looking back in the mirror. “What I’m trying to say is that I value my family. I value you, Kaye. If I have to choose between pissing off some label heads or making sure you’re okay, I’m gonna pick you every single time. I don’t take my family for guaranteed.”
My fingers smudge the tears falling down my face, spreading the wetness along my cheeks. I summon a smile and pat Lars’ hand. “And you’re my family. There’s no way I’d let you sacrifice your future so I can keep living in denial.”