Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75642 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 378(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75642 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 378(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
To make matters worse, I’m responsible for two little boys, and Jace told me earlier after the service that he hated me. I’d expect that from Luca, the younger boy, but it was a slap in the face coming from the one who has been more mature so far. He’s helpful with his little brother, making me wonder more than once why his nurturing seems like something he’s been doing for a while and not something he’s doing since his parents died. From everything else that’s lining up, I wouldn’t be surprised to find that the house isn’t the only thing that’s been neglected recently.
I don’t bother opening any of the envelopes. What does it matter if the electricity or water is cut off? After paying for the funerals, I don’t have the money to keep them on. Plus, it would be pointless to even worry about it. I have no doubt the house payments are just as behind.
A pain I don’t anticipate wedges its way past the anger I’m feeling, but I don’t know if it’s my brain’s way of trying to make sense of it all.
It’s clear Carlen and Janet were in some form of trouble, but what would be the cause? More importantly, why would either of them let the hole get so deep they couldn’t dig their way out without asking for help?
Could the money I used for today’s services been enough to get their heads back above water? Are the police suspicions right about the possible reasons they were in that horrible part of town?
My head swims with so many questions, and I know a frighteningly large number of them won’t ever be answered. Sudden death is messed up like that, causing more confusion than it should.
I force my eyes away from the mail I’m holding, knowing the tremble in my hands would make it nearly impossible to drive safely. I have too many responsibilities to put myself in danger. The kids need me more now than they ever did before.
My gaze lands on the small window above the garage, and I hate that in a moment like this, my mind chooses to think of him.
He’s been a nonissue for the last three years. In fact, I’ve spent time refusing to let memories of him infiltrate my life. Seeing him today was another slap in the face. Where has he been this last year? Did he know of the trouble they were in? Did he try to help?
I know Carlen has always been a very stubborn man, but despite the evidence I have, I’d like to think he’d reach out to someone for help before he did something that would compromise the lives of his family.
Mom called Vincent, Roger earlier, so I went with that, praying he’d think I didn’t recognize him or that the night we spent together didn’t matter. He can’t know that night changed everything for me. Having that information would give him too much power, and I’ve spent too much of the last three years trying to get my life under control.
I can’t deny how good he looked. He didn’t have the same shadows in his eyes he had three years ago despite the grief in them being visible. Maybe it means he’s no longer in the military. He argued that the Marine Corps was the best decision he ever made for the trajectory he wanted in his life, but I saw even years ago how much it was costing him. His smile was different three years ago from the one I remembered when I had such a huge crush on him when I was in junior high, catching glimpses of him when he and Carlen would come to the house to see Janet.
I could’ve easily leaned on him today, but pride wouldn’t allow it. He wouldn’t have rejected me. He was always a kind man as far as I can remember.
With a huff, I sling the pile of unpaid bills into the passenger seat and climb out of my car. I’m too raw to let my mind wander to him. His comfort isn’t something I need to long for. Him even being in St. Louis is dangerous for me. With any luck, he’ll have already left town and I’ll never have to see him again.
I pace the width of the driveway, wondering how I thought even for a minute that I could come here and start clearing out the house.
The yip of a small dog draws my attention toward the sidewalk, but before I can disappear around the corner of the house, an older woman, someone I recognize as a neighbor, is making her way toward me.
I plaster on the same smile I did my best to attempt earlier in the day, but it still feels just as awkward as it did then.