Total pages in book: 25
Estimated words: 23054 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 115(@200wpm)___ 92(@250wpm)___ 77(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 23054 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 115(@200wpm)___ 92(@250wpm)___ 77(@300wpm)
So yeah, we have a nasty girl living on the top floor of our building. Sure, she might come off as funky and interesting with her purple-rimmed glasses and vintage outfits, but James, Carl and I know the truth: Tanya’s a super-slut and we want a piece of the action.
At the moment, Tanya has no inkling as to our true intent, however. The pretty blonde’s sitting at the table on our rooftop with a plant between her hands. She looks beautiful in a colorful patchwork dress that comes down to mid-thigh, with her blonde hair tied up in a messy knot at the top of her head. Stray tendrils escape, showing off her elegant neck as they curl about her throat.
“Thanks for coming to the HOA meeting,” she says with a sweet smile our way. “Should we get started? By the way, I hope you don’t mind if I prune this cactus while we talk. It’s just something to keep my hands busy.”
I squint because holy shit, that plant looks spiny and dangerous. But Tanya reaches for a pair of needle-nosed pliers, and then plucks a spine out of the cactus before putting it on the table. Then, she does it again, and again, effectively de-nuding the cactus.
“Why are you doing that?” Carl growls, looking just as perplexed as us.
“Because I have a cat, and I don’t want Misty to get hurt. She sometimes likes to fight my plants, and obviously, Mr. Cactus here wins.”
I shake my head.
“Maybe you should get a smarter cat,” I grunt.
“Hey, Misty is plenty smart!” Tanya protests with a smile. “Okay, maybe she’s not the smartest cat out there, but she’s plenty smart for a Siamese purebred.”
I shake my head.
“You’re not afraid of becoming the crazy old cat lady who lives with ten cats and a bunch of plastic bags?”
Tanya giggles, her fingers nimble as she continues de-needling the cactus.
“No, not at all. I only have one cat, and I have no plans to get more. Misty won’t get pregnant because she never leaves my apartment. She’s an indoor feline.”
Carl nods, his blue eyes flashing.
“I’ve seen her from the window outside, stalking along the windowsill. Black face with a white coat, right?”
“Uh huh,” Tanya says with a smile, her fingers flying as she tends to her plant. “Misty’s a modern Siamese. The old school ones are less elongated, although I’m sure you guys aren’t here for a history lesson on the breeding and development of Siamese cats. Come on, let’s get this HOA meeting started because there are important matters to be discussed. For example, I think I saw some mice in the basement last week, and it freaked me out,” Tanya shudders. “It was so gross.”
Carl nods.
“We have mice,” he agrees with a frown. “The exterminator put out traps the last time he was here, but I took one or two out because there were mouse corpses inside. It also meant that the remaining mice have been running rampant for two weeks because I disposed of the old traps ages ago. Maybe we should get some new ones as back-up from the hardware store.”
Tanya looks ill.
“Oh gross. I’m going to be sick.”
“Do you need some water?” I ask quickly, alarmed at the greenish tinge to her face. “Here, I’ll pour you a cup,” I say, reaching for a glass jug filled with agua.
“No, I’ll be fine,” Tanya says in a small voice. “Thanks for bearing with me. Just the thought of any rodent makes me … ugh, gross.”
“Maybe we could get Misty to go down there,” James suggests with a twinkle to his eye. “Catching mice should come naturally to your cat, right?”
Tanya’s face goes an even deeper green.
“Oh eew,” she says. “No, definitely not. Misty is refined. She eats premium cat chow and has never hunted in her life. She gets vitamins, cholesterol pills, and I’m even thinking of taking her to the vet for an ADHD diagnosis.”
“Sweetheart, your cat sounds practically human at this point,” I say in a dry tone. Tanya nods, her expression serious.
“Misty is my family,” she says. “It’s a big world out there, so I take care of her, and she takes care of me. In the meantime, absolutely not. Misty’s not hunting down vermin for us. We’ll have to find another solution.”
“Okay, okay,” Carl says, holding up one big hand as he tries to stifle a smile. “We’ll figure it out, no problem. The next time the exterminator’s here, I’ll have a talk with him about alternate methods of attack. I’m sure we’ll be able to think of something, seeing that rodents are common in this city.”
“Thanks,” Tanya smiles, looking obviously relieved. “I appreciate it, gentlemen. Yeah, my cat isn’t much of a huntress. She’s more of a pampered pet.”
“No worries,” I drawl in a casual tone while exchanging glances with Carl and James. “Should we move to the next item on the agenda?”