Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 102282 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 341(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102282 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 341(@300wpm)
“I’m good with directions.” Renzo gave him a crooked smile.
“Did you bring me here to make out?” Canaan’s body wasn’t sure whether to cheer or shrink back into the seats.
“Nah. Though if you wanna kiss me, I won’t turn you down.”
“Hey, that was my line.” Seriously, Canaan needed a handle on his emotions because he was seconds away from turning into an emo puddle.
“I know. I wanted to come back here...” Renzo took a deep breath. “Really not sure if it was here or the bridge...”
“If what was?”
“There’s this story in my family. Legend really. My dad and mom were both buying cannoli for family gatherings at this little bakery in South Philly. He’d been ahead of her in school, but he kinda knew one of her brothers. He said hello while they waited for their orders, big deal for him, talking to the pretty girl. But she claims that by the time he carried her bakery box back to her car, she knew he was the one. Boom. Love at first sight.”
“Boom,” Canaan echoed weakly.
“And I always thought that real life never happened like that, that no one really falls in love that fast. But when we were at dinner in Flagstaff and you told that story about seeing me the first time, it made me so mad because I wanted it to be true so damn bad.”
“I wasn’t lying.” Canaan’s voice came out thick. “I knew you were special from the first time I saw you. I didn’t think you were meant for me, but I knew...something. That you were important, maybe.”
“See that’s how I felt at the bridge with you. Something...important was happening. We didn’t know each other, yet you knew me enough to take me to a place like that bridge that I’d find cool. And then you brought me here and you said we didn’t have to kiss, that you just wanted me to see your special place, and maybe I knew, even then. No boom. More like a nudge from the universe saying, ‘Pay attention. This might be a story you’ll wanna tell later.’”
“It’s a good story.” Canaan could barely get the words out. “I think I knew, out there on that ledge. When you said you were going to climb down on your own. I could see everything I—we—could lose. All the times we might not have. And I wanted it, so damn bad.”
“Me too.” Renzo sighed, reaching for Canaan’s hand, squeezing tight. “Two months ago, all I wanted was for my team to see some action. But at some point... I started loving this lull. Loving this summer with you. When the LT told me about the transfer, all I could think was that it wasn’t supposed to happen like this. We were supposed to have more time.”
“Yeah.” Canaan tightened his grip on Renzo’s hand. “We were. But you were also supposed to get this training opportunity. I believe that. You’ve worked a decade to get to this point. No summer fling is worth that.”
“Maybe it is.” Renzo’s voice sounded distant. “The senior chief and LT didn’t want to let me go. I could—”
“Do not even think of finishing that sentence.” Canaan channeled all the authority Renzo usually conveyed. “You are not giving up this opportunity. And your family needs you. I know how much you love them. I’m not going to make or let you choose me over the future you’ve worked so hard for.”
“I feel the same way,” Renzo whispered. “Don’t want to steal you from your life.”
“It’s not stealing if I want it. And you’re not even giving me the chance. That’s not cool.” All the frustration of the past week finally made it into Canaan’s voice.
“I know. I thought...thought the most loving thing I could do would be to set you free. Thought that was how to love you best.”
“You. You are how to love me best. Not some crazy notion of honor. If you love me, let me be an adult, make my own choices.”
“I see that now. I think...think I was scared.” Renzo’s voice was barely audible. “Scared to leave it to you. Scared that it might make me hope more. Want more. Scared I’d end up talking you into something you really don’t want.”
“Give me more credit than that.” After a week of feeling mainly hurt and sad, Canaan was surprised to discover than anger had been in there too.
“I know. I was trying to make the choice for you. And that wasn’t fair. To either of us.”
“Nope.” Then gentler, Canaan added, “Where do we go from here? You’re really going to leave it up to me whether we end things now or whether we keep going?”
“I’m gonna trust.” Renzo’s jaw stiffened and he looked like he might be ill. “And I’m going to be honest. Like I should have been Sunday night. Like I should have let you be. I love you. And I know it’s fast and scary, but I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want to end this. Not yet. Maybe not ever.”