Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 90410 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 452(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 301(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90410 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 452(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 301(@300wpm)
When he forced himself back, his eyes were hazy, filled with just as much confusion as passion. I had to once again remind myself of the old adage of setting someone free, that if they come back they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were.
Please come back to me.
He said nothing else as he walked back to the car, started it and this time…drove off.
CHAPTER 18
Blind faith.
That was the only thing helping me get through that first month with Justin away. Somehow, I just had to convince myself to trust his actions and judgement, even though I couldn’t be there to see what was actually happening.
He called us every night. Sometimes, it would be during what he referred to as his relaxation time around 8PM, right before their 9PM performances. Other times, it would be during his lunch or dinner break. From what he’d told me, his daily itinerary was jam-packed with sound checks and rehearsals at each new venue. The only down time was after the show, and by then, he was roped into after parties or just plain exhausted. If the band stayed more than one night in the same city, they would all check into a hotel. If they had to be in another locale the next day, they would drive through the night and sleep on the bus.
There were two buses, one for Calvin and the main band and one for Justin and the rest of the crew. According to Justin, each bus slept about twelve people. I never asked him which bus Olivia slept in, because I was afraid of the answer.
Blind faith.
Okay, well even though I chose to have faith in him, I still discovered a little window into their world that would satisfy my episodes of paranoia. It came in the form of Olivia’s Instagram page.
Back when Jade lived at the beach house and used to complain about Olivia’s commenting on all of Justin’s posts, I searched his page to check out Olivia’s profile. I’d stalked her online occasionally even before Justin left. Now, each day, she would post pictures from the tour. Many were just scenic shots, like the sunrise taken from the bus as they entered a new city or whatever the band and crew happened to be eating. Other shots were of Calvin and his band backstage.
One particular night when Bea was sleeping, I opened up Instagram. Olivia posted a picture of Justin performing. It was just a standard shot of him leaning into the microphone with the spotlight shining down onto his beautiful face, which was framed by that five-o’clock shadow. It made me long to be there, to see him perform on the big stage. When I looked lower, I noticed the hashtags.
#LadyKiller
#JustinBanks
#UsedToTapThat
#ExesOfInstagram
Despite the fact that it bothered me, I refused to bring it up to him, refused to play the role of jealous girlfriend, especially when he hadn’t labeled me his girlfriend at all.
A knock at the door startled me. I shut my laptop.
Who would be coming by this late?
Thankfully, in addition to the alarm system, Justin had drilled a peephole into my door before he left.
A woman with long brown hair like mine was standing there shivering. She looked innocent enough, so I opened the door.
“Can I help you?”
“Hi.” She grinned. “Amelia, right?”
“Yes.”
“I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Susan. I live in the blue house next door.”
“Oh. Did Roger move?”
“No. I’m actually his wife.”
Wife?
“Oh. I thought he was—”
“Divorced?” She smiled.
“Yeah.”
“He is…technically. We reconciled when he came to Irvine to visit our daughter recently. It was supposed to be a one week visit, but it turned into three weeks. Alyssa and I ended up coming back here with him.”
Really surprised by this news, I said, “Wow. I had no idea. That is fantastic.” I waved my hand. “My gosh, where are my manners? Come in. Come in.”
“Thank you,” she said, wiping her feet and entering the house. “Our daughter is sleeping now, but I’d love for you to meet her as well. She just turned eight.”
“My daughter, Bea, is also sleeping. She’s almost nine months.”
“Roger mentioned you had a baby.”
“I’ve heard so much about Alyssa as well.”
“Roger also mentioned that you and he were friendly.”
“We’re just friends, in case you were wondering.”
She hesitated. “It’s okay if it was more than that. We weren’t together at the time.”
“No. It wouldn’t be okay. At least for me, it wouldn’t. I would want to know. I understand what it’s like to wonder about stuff like that when you care about someone.”
A look of relief washed over her face. “Well, thank you for clarifying. I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t wondered.”
“I’m sort of in love with my roommate, actually. He’s currently on tour. A musician. I totally understand jealousy.”
She pulled up a chair and sat down. “Oh man. You want to talk about it?”
“Do you drink tea?”
“I do. I’d love some.”
Susan and I became fast friends that night. I opened up to her about my history with Justin, and she offered to help me out with Bea if I ever needed a babysitter. She said Alyssa would get a kick out of watching Bea with her. It made me thankful that nothing ever did happen between Roger and me, because that would have made things awkward.
I had to admit, when she first showed, finding out that Roger was back with his wife made me feel even more alone. But that selfish thought was quickly replaced by the happiness brought on by a newfound female friendship, something my life had been seriously lacking.
***
Susan and I hung out regularly. She encouraged me to try new things and to get out more. I joined a Mommy and Me class with Bea and started utilizing the daycare at the gym to be able to work out a few times a week. I was doing the best I could in developing a new routine with Justin gone.
The daylight hours were becoming more bearable; nighttime was the tough part. With Bea asleep and Justin busiest in the evenings, I always felt the most alone when darkness fell.