Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 77663 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77663 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
I kept telling myself that once the baby came, things would go back to some semblance of order, but that was before she decided that she needed to see the nursery; she wanted to come into my home.
I put my foot down this time and insisted that she not be allowed into my space, but once again, I was overruled by Cecile, and Dan begged me to let her have her way for the baby’s sake. So once again I bit my tongue and threw myself into cleaning so that the woman who was taking over my life wouldn’t find fault with my housekeeping.
I ran to the bedroom and locked the door the minute I heard the car pull up outside in the driveway. I ran to the bathroom and threw up bile and water. I was sweaty and hot and had to rest my head against the coolness of the toilet for some relief.
I could hear them through the wall, hear the tone of her voice but not her words. I stuffed my hand in my mouth to keep the sound of my tears from echoing and threw up all over my fist. I jumped in the shower to get cleaned up, and by the time I came out, she was gone.
Cecile was still there with a sour look on her face. “Do you have to be so dramatic? You couldn’t show your face for two seconds just to say hi? Look, Dan is having a child with Deidre whether you like it or not, so you’d better get with the program.”
“Come on, Mom; this is hard for Amanda; give her a break.”
‘That’s all fine and well, but there’s a child involved, so the adults need to put their petty feelings aside for the benefit of the innocent child.”
“I know, I’ll talk to Amanda.” He reassured her as he walked her to the door.
“Are you okay?” He asked as soon as she was gone. I nodded my head and went to the kitchen to finish his dinner that had been on low in the oven. It was his second favorite meal and something I only made on Sundays. Pot roast with baby potatoes and honey-glazed carrots.
He ate while I cleaned up and told me how much Deidre liked the nursery, except for a few minor changes that she wanted implemented. I nodded along and spoke in all the right places when needed.
The night calls continued uninterrupted and so did the doctor visits that I was not allowed to know about because she didn’t feel comfortable sharing medical information with me.
Then came the night she went into labor, and I sat alone at home while my husband held his hand. There was a lot of furor in the days following. A lot of excitement, with everyone running around and getting things ready for mother and child. By the way, she was convalescing at Cecile’s home, where Dan was to spend the first week while I stayed at home alone.
By the time he returned the following week, I think I had already become a different person. I no longer felt like myself. The things that used to matter to me before now seemed so banal.
AMANDA
After the baby was a couple of months old, Deidre went back to work, and Cecile babysat. Every evening before he came home to me, Dan would go to his mother’s house to spend time with his son; he was ecstatic, more excited than I’d seen him in a while.
He was on cloud nine; the final goal in his life’s dream had finally been fulfilled, while I had died a thousand deaths in the last seven months. I don’t know exactly what it was that brought me back to earth, but I knew that it was about the third or fourth time I’d been invited to the in-law’s home only to find Deidre there.
There were pictures taken in which I had been asked to stand to the side while Dan, Deidre, and Dan Jr. were front and center with the rest of the family around them. This time, for some reason, it struck me where I live.
After that night, there was a pattern. Deidre and her child would take center stage at every family event, and the excuse was always that it was for the baby. The baby needed to feel safe and secure with both parents.
One day, I looked in the mirror at what I had become, and I didn’t like it. That day, I left work early and drove straight to my parents’ house. “Well, if it isn’t the little runaway pancake.” Mom greeted me at the door as soon as she heard the car pull up.
All it took was her arms around me for the dam to break. “Amanda? Mandy? What happened? Why are you crying like that?” I told her everything, standing right there with my face buried in her chest.