Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 77127 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 386(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 257(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77127 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 386(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 257(@300wpm)
When I opened the door with the money in hand, the lights were off. I assumed he’d left until his voice shook me to my core.
“Who’s there?”
I froze. “It’s me. I have cash for the safe.”
“Leave it on the desk,” he demanded coldly.
I stood there in the dark. The door was halfway open, so the only light streaming into the room was from the hallway.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked.
“No.”
The pain in his voice was palpable. I wanted so badly to approach him, to hold him, but I knew that wasn’t an option. I knew he’d push me away. So I stayed where I was near the door.
“I know you’re not ready to talk to me. But I need you to know that I fully intended to tell you. I was still absorbing it myself. I’m so sorry you had to find out through him. I would do anything to take that back. I—”
“Gia…” His curt tone sliced through me. “I can’t do this right now. Do you understand? I wish I was stronger for you, but right now, I’m just not.” He repeated, “I can’t do this.”
Tears were starting to form in my eyes. “What can I do? Please tell me,” I begged. “I’ll do anything.”
He was raking his hands through his hair over and over. I hated to think where those hands had been last night.
“You can’t, Gia,” he finally said. “There is nothing you can do to change this. I just need time.”
“Time for what? Is there even a decision to make?”
“I don’t know. Like I said…I just can’t…”
I wanted to ask him where he was last night and who that woman was, but I refrained even though my curiosity was killing me. It was neither the time nor place to bring even more drama into an already fucked-up situation. He was hurting, and that was what was important, not my feelings of jealousy.
“Rush, I’m going through the same pain that you are.”
“I know that. And I wish I could be there for you. I know this isn’t easy for you, either. But Gia, I’m ready to fucking kill someone. I can’t control my anger right now and it’s just best if…” His words dropped off. I couldn’t see him clearly, but his shoulders shook. I was pretty sure he was crying.
My heart was breaking. I loved this man with all of my being. To watch him cry and not be able to do anything about it – and to know I had caused it – was just about the most painful feeling I’d ever experienced. I was afraid I’d make it worse if I touched him, and I refused to cause him any more pain.
After some silence where I just listened to him breathe, he finally said, “I just can’t handle talking about this until my head is on straight again.”
I wiped my eyes. “Okay.” I walked over to the desk and placed the money down. Clenching my fists, I once again had to restrain myself from reaching for him. I walked back toward the door but lingered there.
His next words really caught me off guard. “I need to leave town for a while.”
My heartbeat sped up.
He was leaving?
My eyes widened. “Leave town?”
“Yes.”
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know yet—somewhere to try to clear my head. I’m leaving Oak in charge of The Heights.”
“Will you keep in touch while you’re away?”
“Don’t worry about me. Just take care of yourself…and the baby.”
Should I have been pushing harder to break through the walls he’d put up? My gut told me that there was nothing I could do to stop him, that there was no way to solve this through talking. I didn’t want to push him over the edge. So I decided to give him the time and space to deal with this. My heart was telling me to let him go.
So that’s exactly what I did.
Everyone was long gone, and I was still sitting in my dark office.
I was glad she listened to me and left, because I seriously couldn’t handle being around her yet.
I still loved her so much. That never changed for one second. I just didn’t know how to handle what I was feeling, couldn’t articulate my pain. And I certainly couldn’t make any decisions about my future in this state of mind.
The truth was, I had no idea where to go from here. As much as I felt like I could never abandon Gia, I also felt like I might never be able to accept things as they were.
Accepting the baby as my own when its father was a faceless, nameless phantom was one thing. Accepting the baby as my own knowing that the father is my own brother—arguably my biggest enemy—was a completely different story.
The fact that I couldn’t force myself to stay and deal with this was pissing me the fuck off. I’d never been one to run away from my problems. But it just felt like the only option right now. My anger ran too deep to be around her, and I sure as hell needed to be far enough away from Elliott for a while to curb my murderous urges.