Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“We’ve been together longer than that,” I said defiantly. “You’ve been my person for months, even though I didn’t say it out loud.”
His thumb ran across the back of my hand. “I understand. And I feel the same. But you know what I mean.”
I nodded. He was right. I couldn’t expect him to quit his job and become a professional boyfriend, even though that’s all I wanted.
“We’ll figure it out, Z,” he said softly. “I promise. But not right now. Get some sleep.”
I drifted off with the feel of my hand surrounded by his and the echoes of tonight’s music in my head.
The rest of the flight was uneventful. I slept on and off for several hours until the flight attendant began brewing fresh coffee, and the scent was irresistible. I wasn’t sure Bear had slept at all.
We moved up front to join Lou, Boomer, and the other support staff traveling with us as breakfast was served. After we ate, Bear jumped on his laptop and began going over more surveillance information from the concert and emails from Violet and the rest of the team.
After Amsterdam, Bear and I had examined the hidden emails together to see if there was anything in them that meant anything to me, but there hadn’t been.
The only people in my circles who would know or use Latin were my college friends. Certainly no one back home would have used that kind of language, and it would have surprised me if many of my LA contacts would use that kind of language unless they were deliberately being dramatic.
I felt like we were at a dead end.
There was an email from Bodhi with more information about what he’d been trying to tell me before the Amsterdam show. A young woman named Keeva Temple played the mandolin better than anyone I’d ever heard—even Coot—and her voice was drugging like sweet, tipsy wine. I listened through my headphones as I clicked through her YouTube videos and saw all the supportive comments.
She was obviously queer in some way and had a few original songs about standing out while trying to fit in. Keeva was the kind of artist I dreamed about mentoring. She reminded me of myself when I was trying to figure out who I was as an artist in college. I let her voice carry me away as my brain noodled over my current situation.
I began to daydream about various scenarios while remembering something scratched above a urinal in the bar where I played my first gig. “What’s the point of any of this?”
I remembered grinning at the line because it had been so incongruous with my experience. There I’d been, finally getting hired to play music in front of a crowd, and it made me feel high as a kite. The point? The point was the thrill of it. The utter joy in doing something I loved. Of living my dream.
I remembered thinking of a million answers to that provoking question.
What’s the point of any of this?
Love. Joy. Helping others. Living a life of authenticity and happiness. Experiencing love and connection.
I looked over at Bear while Keeva Temple crooned in my ears about trying to find her place in the world, and I suddenly felt myself level up.
Zane Hendley was no longer a scared kid. I was no longer a questioning teen. And I was no longer a young adult unsure of my place in the world.
I knew exactly what the point was.
And I was determined to pursue it with everything I had.
When the plane finally touched down at Van Nuys Airport, I was surprised to see both Kenji and Micki waiting for us. Violet was there, too.
“Hey! What are you doing in LA?” I asked Kenji after giving him a hug. It felt good to see a familiar face that had nothing to do with my music career.
Micki spoke first. “The label’s called a meeting first thing this morning. I thought we could go over some things before we get there.”
I nodded but kept my eyes on Kenji. It made sense my manager was here, but why Kenji? He usually assisted me from his office in New York. “Is everyone okay?”
He nodded in his usual calm manner. “Fine. I figured you could use some help catching up after being gone so long, and there are some end-of-the-year financial decisions that we need to go over.”
He made it sound like it was nothing out of the ordinary, but I knew better. This smacked of the brotherhood’s meddling, but I waited until we got in the car before whispering, “Who sent you? Silas? Bash? It wouldn’t have been Dev.”
He gave me a dry look that spoke volumes. “Landry?” I hissed. “What the fuck?”
Bear stood outside the vehicle, speaking to Micki, Violet, and the rest of the security team while Kenji flicked his eyes to the ceiling. “He seemed to think you were getting in over your head. With feelings. You know how Landry feels about emotions. Doesn’t like ’em. Doesn’t know how to work ’em.”